One-minute Times Magazine article: How to become an expert on the economy

While I enjoyed Edmund L. Andrews' New York Times Magazine article "My Personal Credit Crisis," I feel the tale works better in digest form, with the essential facts retained and most (though not all) of the hard-earned wisdom and self-justification (disguised, of course, as self-flagellation) edited out:

Patty was brainy, regal, sexy, fiery and eclectic.

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[A] small but stately brick home in a leafy, kid-filled neighborhood in Silver Spring, Md. We sent in an offer of $460,000 and one day later got our answer:

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Having separated from my wife of 21 years, who had physical custody of our sons, I was handing over $4,000 a month in alimony and child-support payments.

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Patty had yet to even look for a job.

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If I wanted to buy a house, Bob figured, it was my job to decide whether I could afford it. His job was to make it happen.

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My $120,000 base salary and my assets were easy to document.

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Instead of "stating" my income without documenting it, I would take out a "no ratio" mortgage and not state my income at all.

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The rate on my primary mortgage of $333,700 was a remarkably low 5.625 percent for the first five years… I was paying a much higher rate of 8.5 percent on my "piggyback" loan for $80,300.

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It had been so easy and fast. Almost fun.

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I had a bad feeling about what the A.T.M. would reveal about my balance, but I was shocked when I looked at the receipt: $196. We were broke.

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Not surprisingly, Patty's re-entry into the job market was bumpy.

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My fantasy was that Patty would become an ambitious go-getter.

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We were both building up grudges.

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Chase had sent us blank checks that we could use to either pay bills or give ourselves cash advances.

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The problem, I told Bob, was that things were so bad that even Patty's new job wouldn't be enough to rescue us.

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Within a few weeks, an appraiser valued our house at $505,000, almost 10 percent above the original purchase price two years earlier.

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Fremont gave us a classic subprime loan.

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"Don't worry," she said bravely. "This will not be like the first time I was looking for a job. I've learned so much since then, and I am going to find another job quickly."

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"That's it!" Patty snapped, getting out of bed and pulling on her robe. "I'm not going to listen to any more of this. I'm going to sleep downstairs."

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"The last thing Chase wants is to foreclose on your home," JPMorgan Chase wrote us.

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"It sounds as if I would be better off waiting to fall 90 days behind," I said. "I think I'll wait for that."

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It took a while, but Patty and I found we could get past blaming each other. 

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Edmund L. Andrews is an economics reporter for The Times and the author of "Busted: Life Inside the Great Mortgage Meltdown," which will be published next month by W.W. Norton and from which this article is adapted.

I love that "what the A.T.M. would reveal about my balance," as if going to the bank is roulette or something. Don't they still give you that Withdrawal/Deposit booklet with a calendar on the back when they issue you your checkbook? Do Times reporters no longer know how to operate pencils?

Anyway, I wish Mr. Andrews the best with his book, and offer my services for the screen adaptation (with the caveat that Bob and Patty will have an affair in my version).