Chang Is Missing

As if the governor of Florida's superior qualities of leadership, intelligence, competence, and public speaking weren't reason enough to wish the Bush family didn't subscribe to the law of primogeniture, here's another reason Jeb should have been the Number One Son: entertainment value. Wouldn't you rather have a president who says stuff like this:

After more than an hour of solemn ceremony naming Rep. Marco Rubio, R-West Miami, as the 2007-08 House speaker, Gov. Jeb Bush stepped to the podium in the House chamber last week and told a short story about "unleashing Chang," his "mystical warrior" friend...

"Chang is a mystical warrior," [Bush said]. "Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society.

"I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down."

Bush then unsheathed a golden sword and gave it to Rubio as a gift.

The Gainesville Sun doesn't say whether the governor delivered his Ancient Chinese Secret in a Sidney Toler or a Warner Oland voice, but does provide a (sort of) explanation:

In a 1989 Washington Post article on the politics of tennis, former President George Bush was quoted as threatening to "unleash Chang" as a means of intimidating other players.

The saying was apparently quite popular with Gov. Bush's father, and referred to a legendary warrior named Chang who was called upon to settle political disputes in Chinese dynasties of yore.

The phrase has evolved, under Gov. Jeb Bush's use, to mean the need to fix conflicts or disagreements over an issue.

George H.W. Bush unleashes Chang on the tennis court here. Columnist Michael Graham wants to unleash John "Chang" Bolton on the UN here. A treasury of Calgon catchphrases here. In an old anti-W column he almost certainly regrets these days, self-made man Jonah Goldberg cites primogeniture in Bush's candidacy here. A tribute to Keye Luke—whose journey from the hip, roadster-driving, jazz-listening Number One Son in the Charlie Chan films to the serene Master Po in Kung Fu to the strange and inscrutable Mr. Wing in Gremlins demonstrates the feebleness of superficial assimilation against the power of ancient traditions—here.

Update and probable correction: Reader SR claims the phrase is originally "unleash Chiang," a term in popular use by anti-Communists in the 1950s to describe the threat of unleashing Chiang Kai-Shek against the mainland. Although this use turns up more than any other even in a Google search of "unleash Chang"—i.e., even with an alternative spelling—the popularity of the phrase doesn't make much sense to me, since it refers to unleashing a person mostly famous for getting his ass kicked by the very people on whom he would ostensibly be unleashed. But given the high Google results and the plausibility of SR's explanation, I'm going to posit that the real phrase is "unleash Chiang," and that the mystical warrior business is just a load of gas—presumably brought on by a hastily consumed Pu Pu Platter.

Comments

Syd | September 19, 2005, 4:54pm | #

Jost for curiosity, why are they naming the 2007-8 House Speaker in 2005?

plank walkin' geek! | September 19, 2005, 4:57pm | #

What?!

No "Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country" references?

No love for Christopher Plummer, I guess.

joe | September 19, 2005, 4:59pm | #

"Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society."

Gee, that IS a mystical warrior. Does Chang also keep his hedges trimmed and wax the minivan on alternate Sundays?

By Jeb's criteria, John Roberts is a "mystical warrior."

Larry Horse | September 19, 2005, 5:00pm | #

Well, I don't see how it's any different than Bill Clinton "unleashing Wang" every now and then during his Presidency

plank walkin' geek! | September 19, 2005, 5:00pm | #

You know, just by his look, John Roberts probably hasn't had to tackle an emergency disaster any more tragic than the time the clubhouse bar ran out of Vermouth.

plank walkin' geek! | September 19, 2005, 5:06pm | #

Oh, incidentally, kudos to the ad in the upper lefthand corner of my screen. You just can't beat a pretty girl, Bourbon St. and pleasant font use all wrapped up in one nicely designed image.

SR | September 19, 2005, 5:07pm | #

Wow, they BS'd that reporter big time on the origin of the phrase. The phrase is actually "Unleash Chiang!" and was the motto of hardcore anti-Communists following Mao's takeover of China. It was a reference to the belief that if the US would just supply enough weapons and equipment Chiang Kai-Shek and the Kuomintang could retake the mainland. I would guess that would be politically incorrect in the context of current USA-PRC relations.

Eric II | September 19, 2005, 5:07pm | #

Chang help us.

joe | September 19, 2005, 5:08pm | #

John Roberts appears to be the world's best neighbor.

Hay, welcome back! I cut your lawn while you were away...

I hope we weren't too loud last night. My law school buddies get crazy when I put on "The Best of Bread"...

scape | September 19, 2005, 5:08pm | #

I unleashed Chang last Friday after Moo Goo Gai Pan and too many drinks.

Tim Cavanaugh | September 19, 2005, 5:11pm | #

I think you're right SR: That explanation comes up more than any other even in a google search for "unleash chang." I'll amend.

plank walkin' geek! | September 19, 2005, 5:12pm | #

Of course, when you said John Roberts, for some reason I was thinking Michael Brown.

Stupid white people all look the same.

alkali | September 19, 2005, 5:34pm | #

Gee, that IS a mystical warrior. Does Chang also keep his hedges trimmed and wax the minivan on alternate Sundays?

Chang wishes those punk kids would stay off his lawn.

SR | September 19, 2005, 5:41pm | #

"I think you're right SR"

Thank you, although I wasn't trying to correct you.

joe | September 19, 2005, 5:48pm | #

John Roberts asks the UPS guy if he'd like a Diet Pepsi.

chang | September 19, 2005, 5:54pm | #

You'll all pay for your insolence when I am finally UNLEASHED!

Warren | September 19, 2005, 6:00pm | #

"If a man dwells on the past, then he robs the present. But if a man ignores the past, he may rob the future. The seeds of our destiny are nurtured by the roots of our past."

This is an obvious reference to Kwai Chang Caine, also known as 'Grasshopper', the mystical Chinese warrior who wandered the old west.

Syd | September 19, 2005, 6:11pm | #

Sounds more like the mystic wisdom of Chauncey Gardiner. There will be new growth in the spring.

SY | September 19, 2005, 7:12pm | #

Whattttt? No Benicia Colony references? Luke was a great warden.

mattthew hogan | September 19, 2005, 7:35pm | #

Plus ca Chang . . .

Shawn Smith | September 19, 2005, 7:37pm | #

Tim Cavanaugh,

Thank you for the A Bug's Life reference. The memory of that movie brings a smile to my face.

Stevo Darkly | September 19, 2005, 7:56pm | #

Unleash Chiang!

(See fury of Chiang unleashed! Watch trailer!)

Stevo Darkly | September 19, 2005, 7:57pm | #

You know, what I really, really, really need to do is unleash my Dong.

Eric the .5b | September 19, 2005, 8:53pm | #

The phrase is actually "Unleash Chiang!" and was the motto of hardcore anti-Communists following Mao's takeover of China.

Darn. I like the sound of mystical free society warrior Chang better.

By Jeb's criteria, John Roberts is a "mystical warrior."

If I'm for truth, justice, and the American way, does that make me Superman? :)

Akira MacKenzie | September 19, 2005, 8:58pm | #

"I never knew anyone who went crazy before, except for my invisible friend, Col. Schwartz."

--Chris Griffin

Rick Gaber | September 19, 2005, 9:56pm | #

"Why did Chiang-kai-Shek 'lose' China? The main reason is never mentioned. Because he engaged in runaway inflation, and then tried to suppress the results through price controls. To enforce them, he wound up shooting merchants in the public squares of Shanghai to make an example of them. He thereby lost his last shreds of support to the insurgent Communist forces. A similar fate awaited the South Vietnamese regime, which began shooting merchants in the public squares of Saigon to enforce its price decrees." -- Murray N. Rothbard, HERE

crimethink | September 19, 2005, 10:01pm | #

Are you sure Bush I wasn't threatening to unleash Grand Slam winner and conservative philanthropist Michael Chang?

Cliff | September 19, 2005, 10:02pm | #

I suppose the one of Jeb's so called "moral underpinnings" includes drunk and disorderly and prescription fraud. Cool, let me sign up.

Kahn | September 19, 2005, 10:46pm | #

It was a reference to the belief that if the US would just supply enough weapons and equipment Chiang Kai-Shek and the Kuomintang could retake the mainland.

The Chinese have believed many things, since the beginning of time. Chiang couldn't have beat Mao if we gave him every tank the US owned.

What Mao never entirely managed to defeat, even by the end of his life, was superstition. :)

People who genuinely believe that living in a house at a T intersection is bad luck, could give a rat's ass about communism or democracy either one. They don't even know what the terms mean.

Chiang was never smart enough to use the best weapons at his disposal.

Deus ex Machina | September 19, 2005, 10:53pm | #

If all I heard growing up was my Dad commanding me to channel my mystical, invisible warrior, I would probably start to drink and pop pills.

Cliff | September 19, 2005, 10:54pm | #

KAAAAAAAAHHHNNN!!!!

Kahn | September 19, 2005, 11:03pm | #

This is an obvious reference to Kwai Chang Caine

This and the Chiang Kai-Shek story are both true. A native Chinese would know the two apart.

Why did Chiang-kai-Shek 'lose'...Because he lost his last shreds of support to the insurgent Communist forces. A similar fate awaited the South Vietnamese

Also true. Though, this should not be construed as meaning that the communists ever had the genuine support of the majority. They never did in either China or Vietnam.

When your choice is communism or Shek, the winner arises by default. The communists were bad news and most people knew it. But at least the communists knew what they wanted and what they stood for. The consistency made them the lesser evil.

Is it ironic or poetic that the Bushes resemble Shek? The Bushes sound, on the front end, like they have principles. But once in office the only principles they've actually clung to are the most incidental at best.

I wouldn't have believed it was possible, but Bush Jr actually makes me long for the days of the Clinton presidency. You know, it's the lesser evil thing.

The democrats are touted as soft on defense, but few people seem to realize that Clinton was getting serious about building up the military during his last two years in office.

David T | September 19, 2005, 11:10pm | #

One thing that always amuses me is people claiming that Mao won because the US didn't give Chiang enough equipment. I think a sufficient answer to that came from Derk Bodde (an American professor , describing the PLA victory parade in Beijing in 1949): "What made it especially memorable to Americans was the fact that it was primarily a display of *American* military equipment, virtually all of it captured or obtained by bribe from Kuomintang forces in the short space of two and one half years."

joe | September 20, 2005, 9:54am | #

So let me get this straight - Jeb heard his father using the old, righty phrase "unleash Chiang" as a metaphor for "putting his game face on." He misunderstood it as "unleash Chang, the mysical warrior," built an entire mythos around this figure, and gave a speech about him on the floor of the State House.

*Ha-ha!*

Crushinator | September 20, 2005, 10:12am | #

It is disgusting that this country has been ruled by a family dynasty of morons. Sure they have their good side - the hard drinkin', cocaine snortin', pill poppin', and Chang unleashin'. That would make them fun neighbors. But they sure make a lousy bunch of political leaders.

mediageek | September 20, 2005, 10:38am | #

Joe, that's because they create their own reality.

Ken | September 21, 2005, 11:56am | #

In George Plimpton's autobiography, he talks about a day spent with George H.W. Bush during which they played horseshoes. As I recall, during the game, Bush used the "Unleash Chiang" phrase, and when Plimpton asked about it, he explained that it referred to Chiang Kai Shek.