Giuliani: Toughest Candidate in All the 12 Galaxies

Rudy is ready for War of the Worlds I, reports the AP:

During a town hall meeting in Exeter, a young questioner asked the former New York mayor about his plan to protect Earth.

"If (there's) something living on another planet and it's bad and it comes over here, what would you do?" the boy asked.

.........

"Of all the things that can happen in this world, we'll be prepared for that, yes we will. We'll be prepared for anything that happens," said Giuliani,

Romney, worried that the invaders might be from Kolob, will be hesitant to strike quickly; of the GOP front-runners, it has to be Rudy if "will protect us from alien invaders" is your main political concern.

UPDATE: You are there! 

Comments

Syloson of Samos | October 16, 2007, 12:04pm | #

I think we've gotten ourselves into an alien defense gap with the Soviets, er, Russians. ;)

Episiarch | October 16, 2007, 12:10pm | #

Since the Cylons will just get somebody with access to the defense grid to fall in love with one of their models and then shut down the grid, what the hell can Rudy do to stop that? Probably ban love, the fascist.

JBinMO | October 16, 2007, 12:10pm | #

Please. The people from Kolob are pussies, they couldn’t even conquer Alpha Centari.

joe | October 16, 2007, 12:14pm | #

That was a rather lame response. Typical Republican.

Over on the Democratic side, we've got politicians like Jerry Brown and Dennnis Kucinich. I ask you, who do you trust to show leaderership on alien-related matters: Sam Brownback, or Governor Moonbeam?

Syloson of Samos | October 16, 2007, 12:15pm | #

Episiarch,

Don't we have to creat the Cylons first? Or are we going to be on the receiving end of their weapons once the Colonials arrive?

J sub D | October 16, 2007, 12:16pm | #

I ask you, who do you trust to show leaderership on alien-related matters: Sam Brownback, or Governor Moonbeam?

You have to give this one to joe. LOL.

Dan T. | October 16, 2007, 12:17pm | #

Actually, I'd be pretty surprised if the Federal government didn't have some sort of basic procedure in place to deal with such a situation. It's something that merits some thought. Just not too much.

Episiarch | October 16, 2007, 12:19pm | #

Don't we have to creat the Cylons first? Or are we going to be on the receiving end of their weapons once the Colonials arrive?

No, the Peacekeepers and Scorpius created the Cylons to destroy us, with the help of Emperor Ming and the Borg.

I know it's confusing, but try and keep up.

daniel k | October 16, 2007, 12:24pm | #

I, for one, welcome our alien overlords, who I anticiapte look like blonde (or better yet, Chinese), buxom 20 year old string bikini models, and who, being aliens, actually find fat, middle aged geeks sexually alluring.

David T | October 16, 2007, 12:25pm | #

Fortunately, no other planet has signed on to that namby-pamby liberal Geneva Convention.

(There are some serious problems, though, in subjecting outer space aliens to "enhanced interrogation." For example,they may be aquatic types who can't drown, so waterboarding will do no good...)

JBinMO | October 16, 2007, 12:26pm | #

If things got rally ugly, we might have to turn to the sith and Romulans for help. But we could probably just modify our 1000s of ICBMs to shoot things down in orbit.

mnuez | October 16, 2007, 12:28pm | #

These things are no laughing matters. Anyone who lived through the Mooninite invasion of Boston would know that.

On a more serious note, I personally would have no problem with blasting invaders from Kolob with everything I've got. God does NOT live on Kolob. God died on a cross for our sins and He rose again to everlasting life.

Yeah, that makes more sense.

mnuez
www.mnuez.blogspot.com

Episiarch | October 16, 2007, 12:29pm | #

If things got rally ugly, we might have to turn to the sith and Romulans for help.

Wouldn't the Asgard be a better bet? As long as we can keep the Ori out of it. I think the Goa'uld are not an issue any more.

Randolph Carter | October 16, 2007, 12:29pm | #

Ignignot and Er could probably take out those pussy Mormon aliens. They can't even take frakking stims.

sixstring | October 16, 2007, 12:36pm | #

Great. Now Rudy can scare us with Universal Terrorism. Global terrorism is so last week.

Warren | October 16, 2007, 12:36pm | #

Back off, Pete Tranter's sister! I know what you're after: it's moist and pink and it's inside my head. And that's where it's staying.

Drew W | October 16, 2007, 12:40pm | #

Come on people. As long as the aliens are here legally, what's the big whoop?

(That statuesque Saint-Exmin can park her uterus-shaped spaceship on my block anytime.)

TUC | October 16, 2007, 12:41pm | #

Wouldn't Romney have to seek advice from his lawyers before striking the Kolobians?

zero | October 16, 2007, 12:42pm | #

Stupid Romney would probably want to confer with his inter-galactic lawyers before taking any action.

Ethan | October 16, 2007, 12:42pm | #

If we don't take it to the aliens on their planets, we will have to fight them here. Thus, we should bomb all the planets in the solar system; after all, they could harbor aliens.

zero | October 16, 2007, 12:42pm | #

Damn you, TUC! I've been beaten to the punch!

TUC | October 16, 2007, 12:45pm | #

Sorry...that's the way I roll.

TUC - The Unknown Comic

Pro Libertate | October 16, 2007, 12:48pm | #

Any civilization capable of getting here from another solar system will outstrip our technology by many, many generations. So, by "prepared", Guiliani means "prepared to surrender unconditionally".

That, or he's an idiot. Do we have deflectors? Phasers? Blasters? Photon torpedoes? Force fields? No, no, no, no, no, and no to everything else useful. We can't even send a sizable cargo outside of Earth orbit right now. If he'd said, "Yes, we'll be prepared after I dedicate the United States to building a space defense net", well then, that would be another story.

Seamus | October 16, 2007, 12:48pm | #

Romney, worried that the invaders might be from Kolob, will be hesitant to strike quickly

My biggest concern is that Kang and Kodos are the front-runners for the two major party nominations.

Mindy | October 16, 2007, 12:49pm | #

Mork for President.

phools | October 16, 2007, 12:51pm | #

A better answer would be ________ ? Fill in the blank guys.....I bet you can't.

BakedPenguin | October 16, 2007, 12:51pm | #

Shouldn't we wait to see if sanctions will work?

Pro Libertate | October 16, 2007, 12:55pm | #

phools,

"Join the Federation?"

Or, better yet, "Something bad's already here, kid. . .BOO!"

Randolph Carter | October 16, 2007, 12:58pm | #

Or, to take this conversation to the next logical step, what would Giuliani do upon hearing the transmission, "Attention all planets of the Solar Federation! We have assumed control... we have assumed control... we have assumed... control"?

Flee to the temples of Syrinx?

TUC | October 16, 2007, 1:01pm | #

"If (there's) something living on another planet and it's bad and it comes over here, what would you do?"

I thought Ann Coulter was already here...

DangerMan | October 16, 2007, 1:01pm | #

So far, only Larry Niven has a plan to keep us safe from Thrintun mind-weapons and the arrival of the Fithp. Could he run as Ron Pauls VP?

thoreau | October 16, 2007, 1:05pm | #

I ask you, who do you trust to show leaderership on alien-related matters: Sam Brownback, or Governor Moonbeam?

joe won the thread.

Although I would like to point out that Libertarians could probably put together a team to handle UFO-related matters as well. And we could do it far cheaper than Governor Moonbeam. We'd use market forces to keep costs down.

Syloson of Samos | October 16, 2007, 1:16pm | #

Pro Libertate,

As usual, good point. :)

Pro Libertate | October 16, 2007, 1:20pm | #

thoreau,

No, joe did not. Our bar is higher than that. Moonbeam ain't no name for no alien-fighting president.

Randolph Carter,

You should've said, "Rush to the temples of Syrinx?"

Aresen,

It would've been so cool if Giuliani had whacked the kid in the head with his giant lizard tongue.

S of S,

And I don't think the invaders, if they come, will be so kind as to die from our germs, build operating systems hackable by us, or to have any vulnerability to us whatsoever. Nah, we're toast. Better to shut off all the TV and radios, move underground, and hope for the best.

J sub D | October 16, 2007, 1:21pm | #

I reference to an alien invasion, in response to Fermi's paradox, Leo Szilard posited "They are among us, and they call themselves Hungarians."

Taktix® | October 16, 2007, 1:25pm | #

Neocon solution for alien invasion:

Build an orbital fence to prevent them illegals from getting in...

An Ottawa Reader | October 16, 2007, 1:25pm | #

Any civilization capable of getting here from another solar system will outstrip our technology by many, many generations. So, by "prepared", Guiliani means "prepared to surrender unconditionally".

All I'd add is that a few generations after the arrival of the Newcomers, your typical Guiliani will be employed either in a casino or at the Big Blue Marble Trading Post, selling cheap cigarettes and faux-Terran trinkets to obnoxious tourists from around the galaxy.

The most ironic part of all: he will fail to see the irony in all this.

An Ottawa Reader | October 16, 2007, 1:26pm | #

*Guiliani voter. As for Giuliani himself, The first act of our Newcomer overlords will be to vaporize the bastard.

scott clark | October 16, 2007, 1:31pm | #

Guliani missed his chance.

He could have bit his lower lip, paused, and said "I feel your pain", and locked up the nomination and presidential election right there.

Brandybuck | October 16, 2007, 1:35pm | #

Maybe they'll force all the nerdy intelligent men to breed with all the sexy beautiful women. That's my hope...

Backwoods southern hick | October 16, 2007, 1:38pm | #

Shoot
I ain't e-sceared a'no alien! I done killed a gator wid my boy last week and smoked'm fer jerky! There's ya about the scarriest little green monster there id and ain't no alien gonna come on my property and get'way wid it!

Joshua Holmes | October 16, 2007, 1:53pm | #

This post would have been funnier in Klingon.

Mr. Nice Guy | October 16, 2007, 1:56pm | #

Hey, no one hates Romney more than me, but I for one would like to have a President who thinks about the legality of using the powers of his office before just "deciding."

Pro Libertate | October 16, 2007, 2:10pm | #

"Billy, we'd rely on the United Nations to defend Earth from bug-eyed space aliens. That's their job."

Captain Rudy T. Giuliani, Commanding | October 16, 2007, 2:21pm | #

Remember, I was in command on Stardate -322694.17.

Pro Libertate | October 16, 2007, 2:24pm | #

Picard was, um, on board a Borg attack ship in a major battle against Starfleet. Should I elect him president of the Federation because of that? He was there, providing leadership.

Episiarch | October 16, 2007, 2:43pm | #

Picard was, um, on board a Borg attack ship in a major battle against Starfleet. Should I elect him president of the Federation because of that?

He could run the Picard/Locutus ticket for the Schizophrenic Cyborg Party. 8 MORE YEARS

[e-mail] | October 16, 2007, 2:44pm | #

No, no Guiliani isn't a space alien, his face and strange body mass is just the result of centuries of inbreeding though its understandable if you think he looks similar to a typical Gray.

Don't you guys get it? Why would you assume any of those guys are on our side. Guliani, Romney, Clinton, Obama and three quarters of the US Congress would sell us out in a heart beat. Prepare to be food.

LarryA | October 16, 2007, 2:48pm | #

Since the Cylons will just get somebody with access to the defense grid to fall in love with one of their models and then shut down the grid, what the hell can Rudy do to stop that?

Marry her?

No, the Peacekeepers and Scorpius created the Cylons to destroy us, with the help of Emperor Ming and the Borg.

I thought it was the Replicators, which were created to stop the Wraith except the Wraith nailed them with a virus. Or was that Independence Day?

Fortunately, no other planet has signed on to that namby-pamby liberal Geneva Convention.

So we can use hollowpoint bullets? That’ll get their attention.

Episiarch | October 16, 2007, 2:56pm | #

I thought it was the Replicators, which were created to stop the Wraith except the Wraith nailed them with a virus.

No, the Replicators were created to infiltrate the Daleks to get them to attack the Reavers and expose the Alliance's role in creating the Cybermen.

It's amazing you guys don't know this stuff.

JBinMO | October 16, 2007, 3:07pm | #

If the aliens come fust remember the 177th rule of acquisition "Know your enemies ... but do business with them always".

I am set.

alphahawk1999 | October 16, 2007, 3:10pm | #

I agree with Steven Hawking. If aliens do come to our planet we're doomed because they'd have very different reasoning and logic so they would probably ingnore the fact that there are intelligent life-formes on this planet and wipe us out to make room for them.

alan | October 16, 2007, 3:22pm | #

The greatest threat we face is if these intelligent beings learn the ins and outs of our political system. They may in fact desire to reform the planet more to their liking and get rid of the native stock but given the problems inherent in faster than light travel they may not come fully equipped with the resources to do it.

Solution, lobby congress with shiny trinkets to build the terraformation
and carbon life form elimination machine for you. It would be a supplemental to the great Save the Environment for Our Children Bill of 2017.

TLB | October 16, 2007, 3:34pm | #

It's posts like this that reveal the pre-school nature of libertarianism and liberalism.

Those who aren't subscribers to child-like ideologies realize that our military leaders have plans in case of friendly and unfriendly contacts with ETs, and realize that FirstContact is indeed something that can and should be discussed.

Episiarch | October 16, 2007, 3:48pm | #

Solution, lobby congress with shiny trinkets to build the terraformation
and carbon life form elimination machine for you.

This was already attempted in Mexico some years ago. Charlie Sheen discovered it and stopped it. Pay attention, please.

Taktix® | October 16, 2007, 3:55pm | #

I agree with Steven Hawking. If aliens do come to our planet we're doomed because they'd have very different reasoning and logic so they would probably ingnore the fact that there are intelligent life-formes on this planet and wipe us out to make room for them.

How does this indicate they have different logic and reasoning?

alan | October 16, 2007, 3:57pm | #

get bent, jackass

http://www.answers.com/topic/humour?cat=health

Sarcastic libertarians didn't create the current system which is a threat to our existence, and has been since Truman dropped the bomb. We literally owe our lives to one Soviet officer who didn't overreact to a computer glitch. That is how tenuous the system created by you 'responsible adults' happens to be.

You Socialist on the right are no better than the socialist on the left, and you are both hellbent on impoverishing our civilization.

alan | October 16, 2007, 3:59pm | #

aimed at TLB

Joshua Holmes | October 16, 2007, 4:28pm | #

realize that FirstContact is indeed something that can and should be discussed.

It was the best of the Next Generation movies, but not nearly as good as Voyage Home, The Undiscovered Country or...wait for it...wait...
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

Jim | October 16, 2007, 4:32pm | #

I'm disappointed. No references to The Moon is a Harsh Mistress? All the aliens would need to do is throw rocks at us, and we would fold like origami.

Captain Rudy T. Giuliani, commanding | October 16, 2007, 5:16pm | #

Not to worry, citizens! I have been working with the Star League to devise a system for training and recruiting the all Gunstar pilots we will need. We will then deploy these pilots to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Kodan Armada.

Gort | October 16, 2007, 5:41pm | #

Klaatu Barada Nikto

Your Good Buddy Johnny Clarke | October 16, 2007, 5:43pm | #

I have often wondered what would happen if the aliens arrived as missionaries for their alien religion, and felt it was perfectly reasonable to kill anyone who didn't convert. Since they'd be technologically more advanced, their God would obviously be superior to any of ours.

They'd probably still force the survivors onto reservations.

joe | October 16, 2007, 5:44pm | #

I must admit, I didn't expect Lone Wacko to chime in.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Your Good Buddy Johnny Clarke | October 16, 2007, 5:45pm | #

Y'know, it just might mess with more people's heads if the aliens turned out to be atheists...

Cesar | October 16, 2007, 5:55pm | #

Joe-

I'm guessing since IllegalMexicans are his hobby horse, he probably reads everything that shows up on the RSS feed with the word "alien" in it.

joe | October 16, 2007, 6:38pm | #

Rudolph Guiliani has a pre-Stardate -322694.17 mindset.

Isaac Bartram | October 16, 2007, 6:43pm | #

I must admit, I didn't expect Lone Wacko to chime in.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inqisition, either.

But at least the Lone Wacko only tortures logic.

Eric the .5b | October 16, 2007, 6:51pm | #

Funny thread, but c'mon, what's he going to say to the kid?

"In all likelihood, they'd kill me, you, your mommy, your daddy, your grandma, your friends, your little puppy dog, and everyone else on Earth without us being able to do anything about it."

It's a rule - just as when a hostile spiritual entity asks whether you're a god, when a little kid asks whether you or someone will protect him from aliens or boogeymen or whatever, you say yes.

Stevo Darkly | October 16, 2007, 8:18pm | #

Isaac: His MainWeapon is Surprise.

SurpriseAndFear.

Pro Libertate | October 16, 2007, 9:15pm | #

Stevo,

You forgot RuthlessEfficiency.

Franklin Harris | October 16, 2007, 10:53pm | #

And a FanaticalDevotionToThePope.

Use only genuine Interociter parts | October 17, 2007, 12:35am | #

This happened in "Exeter"?

I can't believe the staff of Reason missed the obvious pop-culture reference on that one. Tim Cavanaugh is sorely missed, indeed.

It won't be long before the Metallunans come to wipe our minds and make us into slaves like their scrotum-headed mew-TANTs (similar to Earth's insects -- larger of course!) all while stealing our uranium to keep their war machine going.

Rick Barton | October 17, 2007, 1:43am | #

Guiliani:

"Of all the things that can happen in this world, we'll be prepared for that, yes we will. We'll be prepared for anything that happens,

So it's not just his views of the Mid-east. Guiliani is out of touch with reality in general. And he'll say anything for his presidential quest-from shameful war mongering to happy speak.

Tom W | October 17, 2007, 10:36am | #

BRIAN, what do you mean War of the Worlds I? Everyone knows the Martians invaded around the turn of the last century.

I guess we're supposed to believe that all those rusty, hulking tripods that dot the country are just old "water towers."