Why Can't We Be More Like Tatarstan?

Over at The Huffington Post, Northeastern University Law Professor Roger I. Abrams, who is probably some kind of Red Sox fan, comes up with the most asinine non-bailout public policy proposal you'll hear all day, riffing from the apparently untenable system the National Collegiate Athletic Association has for determining its champion football team, and a jokey statement from Barack Obama about this important national issue.

Of course, all other NCAA championship finalists in all other sports are determined by playoffs, but the defenders of the status quo fear the loss of collegiate glory for the many teams that can play in the "Corporate-Sponsored Bowl." Those lesser bowls actually cost colleges money after they cover expenses, money that is in short supply these days. I will leave the merits of the two conflicting approaches for a later discussion. But the Obama comment raises a more fundamental question: what might the President-Elect do to make sure someone in the federal government is responsible for national policy on, and coordination of, athletics and sports?

I propose we create a Department of Sport. Admittedly, this is not a unique idea. Most countries have a Ministry of Sports with responsibility for fostering physical education, developing amateur athletics and monitoring the businesses of professional sports.

Hmmm, let's see what well-governed, freedom-loving sports powerhouses come up first in a Google search on "Ministry of Sports"!

1) India
2) Tatarstan (pictured)
3) Guyana
4) Cameroon
5) Belarus [pdf]
6) Pakistan
7) Oman
8) Malaysia
9) Oman, again
10) Rwanda

So what's the rationale?

Obviously, placing the portfolio for athletics and professional sports in a single governmental entity would allow for some rational oversight. Under the current system of non-oversight, athletics have been driven purely by the profit motive.

Obviously! And as a result of this glaring lack, we continue to muddle through with the world's most entertaining and highest-quality competition in baseball, basketball, American-rules football, hockey, track and field, the gorgeous ladies of wrestling, and on and on. Not only has the profit motive improved said competition, the competitors themselves, once they were allowed to earn the fruits of their labors (much to the chagrin of those who prefer sporting indentured servitude in "pure" fields of play such as Cuba) then encouraged the rest of us to let our freak flags fly.

Best part of Professor Abrams' proposal?

I must admit a personal interest in this new Department of Sport since I would be more than willing to serve as its first Secretary.

Comments

sage | December 12, 2008, 4:23pm | #

The guy in the picture has loved sports since he was a tot. But he was too puny to actually play. So he wanted to be in the Ministry of Sports of Tatarstan. You could say he was a Tatar-Tot.

Ed | December 12, 2008, 4:24pm | #

Coming soon: Matt Welch, Sports Czar

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 4:25pm | #

I must admit a personal interest in this new Department of Sport since I would be more than willing to serve as its first Secretary.

I can understand that sentiment. I feel much the same way about the Censor. I'd love to go first, removing politicians on a daily basis much the way some people eat popcorn.

ClubMedSux | December 12, 2008, 4:26pm | #

Can I raise a practical question at this point? When did GLOW switch from the Glamorous Ladies of Wrestling to the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling?

Lefiti | December 12, 2008, 4:27pm | #

Shocking! Every day is a slow news day for you guys, isn't it?

Pain | December 12, 2008, 4:29pm | #

I must admit a personal interest in this new Department of Sport since I would be more than willing to serve as its first Secretary. But even if our new President were to select someone else to lead DOS, it would be a worthy effort to provide a federal presence on these matters that affect so much of our lives.

You should put the whole quote in Matt. It makes it much worse.

What a complete tool.

sage | December 12, 2008, 4:36pm | #

Hello, is this thing on?

Seer | December 12, 2008, 4:41pm | #

Who says Atlas Shrugged is a work of fiction?

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 4:48pm | #

So is the plan to have czars for each field of human endeavor? If so, I'd like to be Manned Spaceflight Czar. Is that still available?

Kunal | December 12, 2008, 4:48pm | #

We've had a Ministry of Sports in India for a very long time (ever since Independence, I think). So far in the entire history of the Olympics since 1947, India has had less medals than Michael Phelps won individually. So yeah, its been working well for us. Excellent use of public money.

Episiarch | December 12, 2008, 5:02pm | #

Hello, is this thing on?

(pegs sage in nuts with a volleyball for making such an awful pun)

GREENMAN

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:02pm | #

Great. So let's model our sports czar after India's Minister of Sports. Obviously, calling our guy the czar will make it work for us where it failed for our Indian friends.

Legate Damar | December 12, 2008, 5:08pm | #

Can I be Women's Volleyball Czar? I'd also be willing to accept the positions of Women's Breaststroke Czar, Slow-Motion Women's Diving Czar, and Women's Softball Played in the Rain Czar.

Legate Damar | December 12, 2008, 5:10pm | #

I think we should have a Czar of Everything. I nominate me.

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:12pm | #

With all of these czars, we'll need a czar czar.

Episiarch | December 12, 2008, 5:15pm | #

Women's Jello Wrestling Czar

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:16pm | #

Blog Comments Section Czar.

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:16pm | #

Porn Czar.

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:17pm | #

And, of course, the coveted Sea Czar. Get it?

Episiarch | December 12, 2008, 5:21pm | #

You want bad puns, ProL?

Quay Czar

Pulse Czar

Go Czar the Gozarian

FrBunny | December 12, 2008, 5:22pm | #

Pirate Czaaargh!

some fed | December 12, 2008, 5:23pm | #

In America, you draft Roger Adams as Sport Czar.

I pre-Soviet Russia, Czar drafts you!

cunnivore | December 12, 2008, 5:26pm | #

I like how he contrasts rationality with the profit motive, as if once money enters human affairs, reason is thrown to the four winds.

I wonder why he chooses to be a law professor, rather than working at 7-11. I'm sure there's some rational explanation.

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:29pm | #

Great Sea Czar's coast!

TrickyVic | December 12, 2008, 5:31pm | #

"""I must admit a personal interest in this new Department of Sport since I would be more than willing to serve as its first Secretary."""

Just another moron looking to suck the government's teat.

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:36pm | #

Teat Czar?

Jonk | December 12, 2008, 5:42pm | #

.. Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand and Canada. Ie. the other major English speaking democracies.

I agree that there is no need. But most other countries do actually have a minister for sport.

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:44pm | #

Lay Czar!

FrBunny | December 12, 2008, 5:45pm | #

BTW, in a world where Derek Jeter chooses freakin' Madonna, a Sports Czar is desperately needed.

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:48pm | #

Free Czar?

dfd | December 12, 2008, 5:50pm | #

Porn Czar.

Heh. Why not? His inane statement works just as well for that:

Obviously, placing the portfolio for amateur and professional porn in a single governmental entity would allow for some rational oversight. Under the current system of non-oversight, porn has been driven purely by the profit motive

Of course:

I must admit a personal interest in this new Department of Porn since I would be more than willing to serve as its first Secretary.

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 5:52pm | #

And the Porn Czar could do us a great service by identifying what is good, wholesome porn and what is godless obscenity.

some fed | December 12, 2008, 5:53pm | #

Meet the Czarina of Sport (en France)

...Right Hon. Czar of Sport (UK)

...Kaiser of Sport (Germany)

A-Rod | December 12, 2008, 5:56pm | #

in a world where Derek Jeter chooses freakin' Madonna,

What? That bastard! I thought he was my friend!

FrBunny | December 12, 2008, 5:58pm | #

Crap. I fail at sports. No czar spot for me.

FrBunny | December 12, 2008, 5:59pm | #

Thank You Czar, May I Have Another?

highnumber | December 12, 2008, 6:00pm | #

Can I be tea czar?

No, no, I kid, I kid.

Pro Libertate | December 12, 2008, 6:02pm | #

Sorry, highnumber, but the president saw your poor attempt at a pun and named you Tea Czar in a press release several seconds ago. He'd like you to meet with him in DC to discuss the green tea gap next week and to brief the transition team on the Oolong menace.

some fed | December 12, 2008, 6:09pm | #

Commie-czar of Sport (China) [pun intended]

Did they "win" the Olympics? I never was quite clear on that.

T | December 12, 2008, 6:10pm | #

Sorry, highnumber, but the president saw your poor attempt at a pun and named you Tea Czar in a press release several seconds ago. He'd like you to meet with him in DC to discuss the green tea gap next week and to brief the transition team on the Oolong menace.

Just remember, hn, that tea czar position is worthless, so if he wants to give it to you, he's gonna have to come up with something.

db | December 12, 2008, 6:18pm | #

So is the plan to have czars for each field of human endeavor? If so, I'd like to be Manned Spaceflight Czar. Is that still available?

I call Masturbation Czar. What's that? Already taken? Oh, yeah, "overlap of duties" with all the others.

db | December 12, 2008, 6:20pm | #

Just remember, hn, that tea czar position is worthless, so if he wants to give it to you, he's gonna have to come up with something.

Well, FUCK THEM!

P Brooks | December 12, 2008, 7:37pm | #

We need a Manhattan Project for Czars.

Two guesses whom I consider most qualified to run it. The bidding is now open.

ed | December 12, 2008, 7:49pm | #

"the apparently untenable system the National Collegiate Athletic Association has for determining its champion football team"

Sounds familiar...

ed | December 12, 2008, 8:10am | #

I caught part of ESPN's Outside The Lines yesterday afternoon, wherein Rep. Barton literally engaged in extortion tactics with his foe from the other side. He very calmly stated that a bill had been introduced, and that college football had till 2011 to "act" on a playoff scheme. He didn't actually say "Or else", or "It would be a shame if something were to happen to your BCS", but the threat was implied.

TBOR | December 13, 2008, 2:13am | #

Good points, but Tatarstan is not a country - it's a part of Russia. But you can substitute Russia for it, because Russia also has a sports ministry.

affenkopf | December 13, 2008, 2:32am | #

And as a result of this glaring lack, we continue to muddle through with the world's most entertaining and highest-quality competition in baseball[...]

There's something woring with this sentence.

affenkopf | December 13, 2008, 3:27am | #

Ehh, "wrong". Sorry, wrote above post before first coffee.

Seamus | December 13, 2008, 12:45pm | #

Great. So let's model our sports czar after India's Minister of Sports. Obviously, calling our guy the czar will make it work for us where it failed for our Indian friends.

If we're making India the model, I'd think it would be sports maharajah rather than a sports czar.

Hacha Cha | December 14, 2008, 1:40am | #

all that is needed is a new private organization to brings a system that invites teams to a playoff and they can choose to accept the invitation or go to a bowl game. the BCS is a private organization and the polls are private too. not all polls crown the same national champion and some are contractually obligated to vote the winner of the bcs championship number one. if a playoff organization started and got acceptance which I believe then only teams which had no shot at the national title would accept a bowl invitation. or they could just fucking give in and turn it into a playoff system where each playoff game could be a "bowl" game.

Turtles | December 15, 2008, 9:49am | #

CzarCzar Gabor