Thai Government: Call Your Kid Fat, Please

The Thai government will publish a handbook of nicknames, reports The New York Times, to combat a rising wave of decidedly non-Thai monikers:

To the consternation of some nickname purists, children are being given such offbeat English-language nicknames as Mafia or Seven — as in 7-Eleven, the convenience store.

With help from language experts at the Royal Institute, the official arbiter of the Thai language, Mr. Vira plans to produce by the end of the year a collection of thousands of old-fashioned nicknames, listed by such wholesome categories as colors, animals and fruit and including simple favorites like Yaay (big), Ouan (fat) and Dam (black).

Korakoad Wongsinchai, an English teacher at a private primary school in Bangkok, is also not sure whether the Culture Ministry’s campaign will stem the tide of English names...More than half of her students have English names, she said, offering this sampling: Tomcruise, Elizabeth, Army, Kiwi, Charlie and God.

Also in use among less-than-subtle Thai parents: Money, Bonus, and Bank.

Comments

Urkobold™ | August 29, 2007, 3:58pm | #

ONE OF THE URKOBOLD'S MANY THAI SPAWN IS NICKNAMED PHUKET. WHAT THE PHUK--IT WAS YET ANOTHER NIGHT IN BANGKOK WHEN THE URKOBOLD HAD A WEE TOO MUCH TO DRINK.

Randolph Carter | August 29, 2007, 4:01pm | #

Seven? Seriously? Maybe they're naming kids Soda as well.

smacky | August 29, 2007, 4:01pm | #

What is the Thai translation for "Big Gulp"?

de stijl | August 29, 2007, 4:03pm | #

Seven — as in 7-Eleven

As in Seinfeld, you mean.

If I were to breed I'd name the fruit of my loins Cash Money de stijl. It has a nice ring to it.

Chris S. | August 29, 2007, 4:07pm | #

Ah, the good old days, back when "fat" meant "not starving."

Urkobold™ | August 29, 2007, 4:10pm | #

SMACKY,

THAT'S WHAT BANGKOK MEANS.

Dan T. | August 29, 2007, 4:16pm | #

It's official: we have ruined everything.

Matt | August 29, 2007, 4:17pm | #

I was in the Phra Nang peninsula in May of this year. My waiter told me his nickname was "Beer, as in drink".

Ken Shultz | August 29, 2007, 4:21pm | #

What could be cooler than Long Duk Dong?

I once met a kid named "Bong". How cool is that?

Ken Shultz | August 29, 2007, 4:24pm | #

"No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food."

----Long Duk Dong

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088128/quotes

gaijin | August 29, 2007, 4:38pm | #

Dan T wrote:
It's official: we have ruined everything.

In other words, the Phat lady has sung?

Warren | August 29, 2007, 4:51pm | #

how about:
IRS
TiVo
Airwick (girl)

smacky | August 29, 2007, 4:55pm | #

How about 2000 Flushes? It has a contemporary Western origin, while still maintaining that air of Eastern mystique.

mk | August 29, 2007, 5:12pm | #

Is it Charlie and God separately or is the nickname "Charlie and God", because if so, that could very well be the coolest nickname ever.

Brian Sorgatz | August 29, 2007, 5:19pm | #

Dan T.
It's official: we have ruined everything.

You make even less sense than usual. Did that bizarre Inca fruit called the tomato ruin Italian cuisine, or make it even better?

I'm not ruining America if I occasionally watch a Bollywood instead of Hollywood movie.

jtuf | August 29, 2007, 5:31pm | #

Thomas and Elizabeth from the Hebrew via the Gospells
Charlie from the German word for man
Army from Midevil Latin via Anglo-French
Kiwi from the Maori word for local birds

English is an odd language. There are hardly any English words in it.

creech | August 29, 2007, 5:43pm | #

Indian boy asks his Father, "How does the tribe come up with our names?"
"Well, the proud father looks outside teepee when baby is born and names it after the first thing it sees. Your playmate's father saw
a Running Deer. Your sister is Morning Star, because that first thing I see."
"Thanks Father, that explains everything."
"You're welcome, Two Dogs F**king."

atrevete | August 29, 2007, 6:16pm | #

Wait, these are NICKNAMES, aren't they? Go to any Puerto Rican or Italian neighborhood and you'll hear similar. Caballo, Bracers, Microfono (for a skinny kid with a big afro)Eyelashes, Puma, The Fern, Pepsicola, Coffeecake, etc.

Syd Henderson | August 29, 2007, 7:46pm | #

I remember an Alfred Bester character named Fee-Five Grauman's Chinese. If I remember, because she was born in that restaurant.

James Quentin Clark | August 29, 2007, 9:01pm | #

"Charlie and God" would be the sweetest nickname ever. Just "Charlie" is too Vietnam and just "God" is...well, I mean you can't really live up to that. "Hey, who're you?" "I'm God." "......."

My friends call me whiskers because I'm curious like a cat.

Jennifer | August 29, 2007, 9:02pm | #

How about kids on a diet? Will they be Lo Phat?

Phat Lo, I think. Does the surname-first rule apply in Thailand?

joe | August 29, 2007, 9:14pm | #

The thing about profiling: the profilers were right. The guy who set off the bomb met their profile very closely.

Just as the people who commit suicide bombings meet the "youngish Muslim, probably male" profile very closely. It's not the profile that's the problem, it's the belief that it is appropriate to harrass people based on their compatibility with a profile that's the problem.

I'm looking at you, Malkin.

joe | August 29, 2007, 9:15pm | #

Oops.

Malkin | August 29, 2007, 9:31pm | #

Curse you, joepboyle!

*turns into stone*

Mo | August 29, 2007, 9:50pm | #

Who are we to laugh. Our youth tattoo themselves with Chinese/Japanese characters. They think it says something like "Wisdom" or "Peace" and it's really the character for "Yellow Dog" or "Douchebag".

SuperMike | August 29, 2007, 11:11pm | #

I hadn't realized that Thai infulence was so pervasive in the hip-hop community.

grylliade | August 30, 2007, 12:34am | #

English is an odd language. There are hardly any English words in it.

About a third of them are of Old English or Old Norse derivation. Which misstates the importance of "native" English vocabulary, since the majority of words you actually use are "native."

English is the slut of languages, though. And yes, I know I'm being overly pedantic in response to an off-the-cuff, humorous comment. Why do you ask? :-)

The Wine Commonsewer | August 30, 2007, 1:26am | #

What is the Thai translation for "Big Gulp"?

That may be quite universal.

The Wine Commonsewer | August 30, 2007, 1:28am | #

Joe, just to recap. Last Friday a sweet client gave me THREE (count 'em) bottles of Columbia Crest Merlot (2004). I've only got one left and I'm pretty despondent about that.

The Wine Commonsewer | August 30, 2007, 1:31am | #

There's a Thai place over by the Santa Monica airport where you can get Scorpions on Shrimp Toast (swear to god, not making that up). I figure Scorpions on Shrimp Toast is more serious than naming your kid FAT or SEVEN.

M | August 30, 2007, 1:38am | #

Who are we to laugh. Our youth tattoo themselves with Chinese/Japanese characters. They think it says

...yes?

Whim | August 30, 2007, 3:25am | #

I met a guy in Thailand with the nickname "Mood." I liked that. To me, seems like an improvement on "Dam" for 'black,' especially since they think darker skin is ugly there. They often use nicknames as their real names can be really really long.

Whim | August 30, 2007, 3:27am | #

Incidentally, I remember that some parents had named their kid "Satan" in Japan some years back. The government made them change the name, saying it was akin to child abuse. I'm not sure if they were prosecuted.

wayaway | August 30, 2007, 5:33am | #

Phat Lo, I think. Does the surname-first rule apply in Thailand?

No.

ChrisL | August 30, 2007, 7:02am | #

I have a cousin, an electrician, who works with
illegal aliens. They nicknamed him "Timba" and he confused it with "Simba" as the lion in whatever it's in (Disney?). He liked it until he found out they were making fun of his beer belly...

Good luck,
ChrisL

Randolph Carter | August 30, 2007, 8:16am | #

ChrisL,
Don't act like you don't know it's The Lion King.

Zubon | August 30, 2007, 8:16am | #

Seven? Seriously? Maybe they're naming kids Soda as well.

I went to college with a Thai lass called Pop.

Wait, these are NICKNAMES, aren't they?

Please correct me if you know better, but my understanding is that the Thai tradition is to give children both a name and a nickname, something relatively official rather than how Americans acquire nicknames. "Nickname" is the closest American translation, but it is more like having two first names, which might be used in different contexts. So "Pop" was also "Wishaya." Or perhaps the other way around.

whim | August 30, 2007, 8:33am | #

Zubon,
I think that's about right. They have an official name and one that they go by informally.

The Thai phrase that roughly translates for nickname is "chu len" - "chu" means "name" and "len" means "play" approximately. To joke is "put len": literally, "word play" even though their jokes aren't just puns.

Cracker's Boy | August 30, 2007, 9:20am | #

I've always liked the name from Catch 22... the dad filled out the birth certificate and called his son Major (first name) Major (middle name) and Major (last name).

So... when the kid grew up and joined the Army, "it was only a matter of time".

"You can go right in. The Major is out."

CB

ed | August 30, 2007, 10:10am | #

"Mommy, how did I get my name?"

"Well, it's like this, Broken Rubber..."

jimmy smith | August 30, 2007, 11:57am | #

Time: 1959
Place: Phorzhiem, Germany, Air Force Detachment
Commander named Sergeant,
Rank: Major
Oddly enough, the sergeant major's name was Starr, in real life, Bart Starr's father

Oops, name dropping again