Lost: Campaign Season

An oldie (by blog standards), but a goodie. Presidential candidates on what they'd bring to a desert island. I can't decide whether I'm happy so many of the candidates like books, or irritated at prevalence of the generic "books" as an dull, inoffensive choice.

DEMOCRATS:

Delaware Sen. Joe Biden: "Jill, my wife."

New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton: "A good book."

Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd: "Coffee with cream and sugar."

Former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards: "A book."

Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich: His wife, Elizabeth.

Illinois Sen. Barack Obama : "Other than my wife and my kids, an inanimate object I would have to have would probably be a good book."

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson: "Blackberry and a Davidoff cigar."

REPUBLICANS:

Kansas Sen. Sam Brownback: "Tarp."

Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani : "Books and music."

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee: "Laptop with satellite reception."

California Rep. Duncan Hunter: "Mrs. Hunter."

Arizona Sen. John McCain : "Books." (Note: In 2000, McCain said, "SPF 45 sunblock.")

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney: "My wife, Ann."

Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo: "Boat."

This is the first and only time I've been tempted to vote for Richardson. Well, that and the time he gave me free salsa.

Comments

Mad Max | May 4, 2007, 2:40pm | #

I don't see Ron Paul in there.

I suppose he'd bring a sack of gold bullion.

thoreau | May 4, 2007, 2:41pm | #

I'm going to type something that I have never typed before:

I agree with Tom Tancredo.

And if I couldn't bring a boat to the tropical island, I'd bring an Iraqi with military experience and engineering skills, because Sayid is the only useful character on that show.

I'm guessing Tancredo would have issues with having Sayid on the island.

Kwix | May 4, 2007, 2:43pm | #

I have to side with Tancredo there. Of course, if he were on any island that is not a US Territory they would just throw him back in the water for being an illegal.

Cab | May 4, 2007, 2:46pm | #

I agree with Mitt Romney.....I'd take his wife.




(I kid)

Scott C. | May 4, 2007, 2:47pm | #

I kinda wish Tancredo was referring to "boat" as in marijuana laced with PCP, as in if he were on a desert island he would just get as high as possible.

Fluffy | May 4, 2007, 2:48pm | #

Cab stole my joke, except I'd have to go with Kucinich's wife.

Paul | May 4, 2007, 2:50pm | #

Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo: "Boat."

I dunno, I'd rank this as the most clever answer. Probably the most honest.

Speaking for myself, I would really only want the boat of my wife were with me. That way one of us could leave.

highnumber | May 4, 2007, 2:54pm | #

I'd bring a satellite phone with GPS.

and the hammock in the picture.

Bee | May 4, 2007, 2:55pm | #

Rum, so I could set it on fire, prompting a tall ship crewed by manly men to come and rescue me.

thoreau | May 4, 2007, 2:57pm | #

Here's the real question: Whom would you vote for as Island President?

Plausible candidates:

Jack: Doctor, and basically the incumbent. However, the voters are in an anti-incumbent mood, as the past few months have seen steadily declining mango production, and a drastic drop in pork. Then again, with the ongoing terrorist threat from the Others, he might be able to re-invent himself as a hawk, although he'll need to ditch Juliet.

Locke: By Island standards he's the religious right candidate, because he clearly has a direct line to whichever deity controls that island. Unless he's falling for some massive con, in which case he's actually just a religious right voter.

Sawyer: Con man. Has politician written all over him.

Ben: Years of leadership experience. Another con man extraordinaire. Yeah, he's obviously evil, but when has that ever hurt a candidate for public office?

Sayid: Highly competent, military experience. Expect him to do badly in Iowa and then drop out and endorse Sawyer.


Spoilers:

Charlie: Just another celebrity who's fooled himself into thinking he could run for Island President. What does he think this is, California?

Desmond: He's going for the hippie vote.

Kate: The anti-Badnarik. While he has no driver's license, she has several...and all under different names. With a criminal background, familiarity and a history of being a loner on the run, but a pro-driver's license stance, she's the perfect candidate for an LP that's looking to repudiate the Badnarik debacle.

Warren | May 4, 2007, 2:58pm | #

Bah. This just goes to show the utter dishonesty of elected officials. None of them had the integrity to give the one answer in each of their minds: Lobbyist

ed | May 4, 2007, 2:58pm | #

Coke and porn.

thoreau | May 4, 2007, 3:01pm | #

Blah, meant to write that Kate has a "familiarity with guns, and history of being a loner on the run..."

Gimme Back My Dog | May 4, 2007, 3:08pm | #

Is there anyone married longer than a couple of weeks that would really choose to take their spouse to a desert island? I mean, my wife is fine in short doses, but 24/7 just the two of us on a desert island? I'd be praying for the cannibal natives to show up.

Gimme Back My Dog's Wife | May 4, 2007, 3:12pm | #

[SMACK!]

Jesse Walker | May 4, 2007, 3:25pm | #

I'm amazed at the number of candidates who in essence said, "I have so little regard for my wife's well being, I would condemn her to a life of exile just to keep me company."

TrickyVic | May 4, 2007, 3:31pm | #

It would have been funny if McCain said, "Hunter's wife".

Cab | May 4, 2007, 3:34pm | #

Jesse, I thought about that angle as well. Obama went as far as to say said he would purposely put his kids in peril for his own personal benefit.

jp | May 4, 2007, 3:37pm | #

Jesse has a good point. Similarly, the question was "What is your desert island necessity?" "What," not "Who." I don't think of my wife as a "what."

"Yeah, I'll take that thing with ears that nods when I talk."

And big yawn on all the other answers.

The Real Bill | May 4, 2007, 3:40pm | #

I'm amazed at the number of candidates who in essence said, "I have so little regard for my wife's well being, I would condemn her to a life of exile just to keep me company."

Me too. I'm not surprised, though. Most politicians are probably narcissists.

Bubba Zanetti | May 4, 2007, 3:50pm | #

Richardson had better be talking about the Davidoff Millennium Blend, (not the regular line) because if you're willing to overpay that much for the Davidoff name, you'd want something with some flavor.

The Real Bill | May 4, 2007, 3:54pm | #

I'd rather have a high-end Romeo y Julieta (from Cuba, although the Dominican ones are good, too). They are soooooo tasty and smoooooooth--really, really, smoooooooooth.

Damn, I have one left! I may have to break it out tonight!

bubba | May 4, 2007, 3:55pm | #

It seems pretty selfish of someone to strand his own wife on a desert island.

creech | May 4, 2007, 4:03pm | #

A dessert island? An assortment of cheese cakes.

Pro Libertate | May 4, 2007, 4:03pm | #

To the candidates who answered a book, I turn quickly, point my finger, and shout, "Which book? Quickly!"

Cartman | May 4, 2007, 4:05pm | #

Surprised nobody said bible

Cartman | May 4, 2007, 4:06pm | #

...even without Pro L's prompt, that is. Hadn't seen your post yet.

stephen the goldberger | May 4, 2007, 4:10pm | #

battlefield earth

Cab | May 4, 2007, 4:11pm | #

"Which book? Quickly!"

uh...uh...uh.. Battlefield Earth!

Cab | May 4, 2007, 4:12pm | #

Steve to the G beat me....damn.

highnumber | May 4, 2007, 4:13pm | #

I hope that none of those who said "good book" really end up on a desert island and then break their reading glasses, because that would totally suck.

me | May 4, 2007, 4:13pm | #

A book? who wants one book for 30 years? Give me 70 virgins. Oh wait, I think I get that for doing something else.

Jonathan Hohensee | May 4, 2007, 4:16pm | #

What's stopping them for showing a little bit of persoality and throwing in a funny or unorthadox answer? Within the bubble, is their any justification they have behind that or are all of these people just plain bland?

His politics aside, we need another quipy politico like Barry Goldwater. He wasn't afraid to crack a joke (outside of scripted, corny pat-on-the-back jokes written by hack speech writers) or show to the world that he has a personality.

Brian | May 4, 2007, 4:17pm | #

I'm offended no one said volley ball.

mediageek | May 4, 2007, 4:17pm | #

"I hope that none of those who said "good book" really end up on a desert island and then break their reading glasses, because that would totally suck."

That's why you should bring Burgess Meredith.

Matt L | May 4, 2007, 4:18pm | #

"Which book? Quickly!"

Boat Building for Dummies

Wilson | May 4, 2007, 4:19pm | #

Yeah. What Brian said.

Jonathan Hohensee | May 4, 2007, 4:20pm | #

I'd watch a Lost if McCain, Clinton, and Obama where on the island. Just imagine the flashbacks, and how Clinton alienates herself from the group due to her inability to relate with normal people.

60s Guy | May 4, 2007, 4:26pm | #

A pay phone and a roll of quarters.

D.A. Ridgely | May 4, 2007, 4:29pm | #

I'm amazed at the number of candidates who in essence said, "I have so little regard for my wife's well being, I would condemn her to a life of exile just to keep me company."

Amazed? Oh come now. You haven't known enough career politicians to gather what their obligatory marriages must really be like?

Personally, given that most said only "a book," I'm rather dismayed by how slowly these guys read.

thoreau | May 4, 2007, 4:29pm | #

I'd watch a Lost if McCain, Clinton, and Obama where on the island. Just imagine the flashbacks, and how Clinton alienates herself from the group due to her inability to relate with normal people.

Yeah, the POW flashbacks when McCain is captured by The Others would be pretty scary. But do we really want to see the "How Clinton got those tattoos" episode? (Yes, they actually had an episode about a character's tattoos, and yes, it did indeed suck.)

The one where Obama's long lost father turns out to be on the Island would be pretty cool, however.

Mo | May 4, 2007, 4:37pm | #

I'd bring Maryanne and Ginger.

The Real Bill | May 4, 2007, 4:44pm | #

I'd bring a particular type of seed.

thoreau | May 4, 2007, 4:44pm | #

Mo and the Real Bill are tied for victory in this thread.

Pro Libertate | May 4, 2007, 4:48pm | #

Really, in this forum it shouldn't be me mentioning this downthread:

A gun. Or, perhaps more practical, a sword with sharp, pointy edges.

thoreau | May 4, 2007, 4:51pm | #

PL-

If you're going to have a gun on a desert island, the best choice would probably be a flare gun.

This is not Mel Torme | May 4, 2007, 4:55pm | #

"If you're going to have a gun on a desert island, the best choice would probably be a flare gun."

yeah - cuz it'll go off in your locker, and you'll have to serve a Saturday in detention where you learn all about the teenage experience.


*thinks, "man. what a great idea for a movie."

Okapi | May 4, 2007, 4:56pm | #

Why would it be selfish to bring your wife? If my wife was lost on an island, I would certainly want to be there with her, rather than safe anywhere else, and I'm sure she feels the same way...

Besides, what could be more fun than camping on an island for the rest of your lives? It'd be like Blue Lagoon!

The Real Bill | May 4, 2007, 4:58pm | #

My wife doesn't really like to rough it. : (

Car camping for a couple of days she can deal with. Years on an island = years of PMS-like behavior.

downstater | May 4, 2007, 5:01pm | #

The Real Bill,

I've got 3 Romeo y Julieta's - Dominican - Verona's Court. I haven't tried them yet.

Any experience with these?

peachy | May 4, 2007, 5:14pm | #

A really attractive young woman with a classics degree from a top school, an eidetic memory, and several years experience working for Outward Bound...

...And I think I've just lost the religious right vote.

The Real Bill | May 4, 2007, 5:18pm | #

I've got 3 Romeo y Julieta's - Dominican - Verona's Court. I haven't tried them yet.

Any experience with these?

I haven't had the Verona's Court, but I have had two other kinds from the DR. They were both quite tasty.

JW | May 4, 2007, 5:20pm | #

Just the idea of all those politicians stranded on a desert island is good enough for me.

Heck, they can have 2 things if it'll get them out of here.

The Real Bill | May 4, 2007, 5:34pm | #

Hell, providing pols with a Bill Gates' lifestyle would be cheaper than letting them "control" the purse strings.

chauvinist crimethink | May 4, 2007, 5:37pm | #

No, you've got it all wrong. You don't bring your wife for companionship, you bring her to cook, keep your cave clean, and do your laundry.

Plus, if you run out of food,...

Phil | May 4, 2007, 5:40pm | #

Under the theory of revealed preference, every responder except Tom Tancredo has indicated that they WANT to be stranded on a deserted island.

I think we should make their wish come true.

thoreau | May 4, 2007, 5:44pm | #

Under the theory of revealed preference, every responder except Tom Tancredo has indicated that they WANT to be stranded on a deserted island.

That's because Tom Tancredo believes in building walls, while the rest of them obviously believe in digging moats.

TrickyVic | May 4, 2007, 5:48pm | #

"""Under the theory of revealed preference, every responder except Tom Tancredo has indicated that they WANT to be stranded on a deserted island."""

I don't think is shows desire or want, but it does show a willingness to do nothing to change the situation once they are there.

Pro Libertate | May 4, 2007, 6:13pm | #

Very well, thoreau, how about a flame thrower? Defeat your enemies, cook your food, and signal for help? A multi-tasker! Alton Brown would be so proud of me.

The Real Bill | May 4, 2007, 6:17pm | #

Alton Brown would be so proud of me.

You'd impress the hell out of him (especially if you could make a good mango chutney).

Pro Libertate | May 4, 2007, 6:24pm | #

Well, with my multi-tasker, I might be able to make a mango chutney, provided that roasting the mango is permitted.

TrickyVic | May 4, 2007, 6:31pm | #

The anarchist in me says we should cast a write-in vote for F. You

crimethink | May 4, 2007, 6:44pm | #

For all of you who are praising Tancredo's choice, keep in mind you're a lot better off on a desert island than on a boat in the middle of the ocean with no compass or maps.

thoreau | May 4, 2007, 6:52pm | #

Trickyvic says:
I don't think is shows desire or want, but it does show a willingness to do nothing to change the situation once they are there.

crimethink says:
For all of you who are praising Tancredo's choice, keep in mind you're a lot better off on a desert island than on a boat in the middle of the ocean with no compass or maps.

That's because the others will stay the course rather than try something different, while Tancredo will try to make it worse.


PL-

Good choice!

Jonathan Hohensee | May 4, 2007, 7:07pm | #

Very well, thoreau, how about a flame thrower? Defeat your enemies, cook your food, and signal for help? A multi-tasker! Alton Brown would be so proud of me.
Ironicly, the only Alton Brown-approved unitasker is a fire extinguisher.

TrickyVic | May 4, 2007, 7:10pm | #

""That's because the others will stay the course rather than try something different, while Tancredo will try to make it worse.""

lol

Agreed.

Franklin Harris | May 4, 2007, 7:15pm | #

Anyone who doesn't say "Scarlett Johansson" is a damned fool, I say!

The Real Bill | May 4, 2007, 7:32pm | #

Scarlett Johanssson is gorgeous, but she seems dumb. Dumb chicks are good for a couple of rounds, but they get boring real quick.

A damn fool | May 4, 2007, 7:35pm | #

Milla Jovovich or Natasha Lyonne.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

crimethink | May 4, 2007, 7:39pm | #

Real Bill,

Well, since we're in the realm of fantasy anyway, you could wish for a brainy Scarlett Johansson. Or maybe a shape-shifting Scarlett Johansson if you're afraid of getting bored.

The only downside I could see to this would be that she could shape-shift into Rosie O'Donnell if you piss her off.

lady love | May 4, 2007, 7:56pm | #

Such cynics! It wouldn't matter where my husband was, (okay, as long as I wasn't being tortured or in a concentration camp or something--not good at dealing with pain so much) I'd rather be with him than anywhere else. Even after 11 years, he's my best friend. Kinda being hard on those who'd want their wife there, me thinks.

lady love | May 4, 2007, 7:59pm | #

wow--correct usage of "their" and "there" in one sentence. I clearly have not had enough alcohol yet tonight. But my use of "kinda" probably cancels out my later excellent display of grammar. ;-)

BakedPenguin | May 4, 2007, 8:00pm | #

Only onee thing? Um... how 'bout a fully stocked Target. Staffed by Swedish coeds. In nurses uniforms. A size too small.

crimethink | May 4, 2007, 8:37pm | #

lady love,

Thank you for providing more evidence why women should not be allowed to vote, let alone serve on juries. You love your husband, so you want to him to die of thirst with you?

lady love | May 4, 2007, 11:12pm | #

No, crimethink. You have it reversed. I would die of thirst for him. Nice reading comprehension, though.

lady love | May 4, 2007, 11:15pm | #

Perhaps I wouldn't be good on a jury, true. I like to use common sense, have a natural inclination to avoid locking others up for petty non-violent crime, and distrust paid experts. Also, no attorney in their right mind would let someone in the legal profession, specifically, both criminal law and civil litigation, onto his or her jury. ;-)

Go fuck yourself, crimethink.

Rabbit Scribe | May 5, 2007, 7:22am | #

Completely off-topic: I was in Belize a few days after a massive hurricane had blown back out to sea. I saw a perfect little Far Side desert isle- maybe 30 feet in diameter, tops, with one palm tree dead-center. I was told that it was what was left of a small cay, and it would wash away soon. But while it lasted, it was hot.

crimethink | May 5, 2007, 9:12am | #

lady love,

Common sense? You just said you'd happily die of thirst on a desert island just so you could get some extra quality time with your husband. That degree of attachment is never sensible.

jp | May 5, 2007, 10:16am | #

Surprised nobody said bible

Nerd alert:
If you can bring only a single discrete thing and you like to read ancient literature, then the Bible is really not a bad choice. It's long (will keep you busy); it includes work by numerous authors from numerous time periods (so you don't get sick of a single voice); it has literary, anthropological, and historical interest; and it can provide interesting puzzles to occupy your thoughts (such as separating the P, J, and E parts of the Pentateuch or figuring out which of the letters attributed to Paul were actually written by him). It's every bit as enjoyable (or the opposite) as the Odyssey or the Metamorphoses.

lady love | May 5, 2007, 11:00am | #

Who said love was sensible, crimethink? Like you have never done anything that wasn't sane when in love? C'mon, fess up. Besides, it's easy to say you'd risk death for a loved one when sitting in front of a computer with a nice cup o' coffee. ;-) What can I say? I really love the man. Are you saying you wouldn't risk death for extra time with your significant other?

What would not be sensible is to risk your life for someone who's terrible to you--but that is certainly not the case for me.

Besides, I watch "Survivor Man" and learned how to get water in a bunch of different ways. ;-) That and Gilligan.

lady love | May 5, 2007, 11:11am | #

Also, crimethink, if we want to talk about disqualifying voters on the basis of stupid actions committed by their gender, then based on their track record, men would never get to vote again. As far as I know, it wasn't a woman's idea to invade Iraq, but please correct me if I'm wrong.

Lamont Cranston | May 5, 2007, 11:24am | #

Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo: "Boat."

Lamont Cranston: "Ship."

perilisk | May 5, 2007, 12:05pm | #

Boat? I'd rather have a satphone with some GPS location junk. And a lot of spare batteries. And possibly a month's supply of fresh food and water, depending on the island's resources.

crimethink | May 5, 2007, 1:53pm | #

it wasn't a woman's idea to invade Iraq,

Ever heard of Condi Rice?

And I don't have a significant other. I choose not to allow myself to become attached to fallible creature in the way you describe.

Col DuBois | May 5, 2007, 1:59pm | #

crimethink: Wouldn't you die for your Imaginary Friend in the sky? What's sensible about that?

lady love | May 5, 2007, 5:02pm | #

Sure, crimethink. It was her idea--not Cheney's or Rumsfeld's or Wolfowitz's or Bush's or Rove's idea. Sheesh.

lady love | May 5, 2007, 5:03pm | #

How sad for you, crimethink. So if a person was infallible, then that person's the person for you? Happy hunting, then, 'cause a person like that doesn't exist.

LarryA | May 6, 2007, 6:14pm | #

I'm amazed at the number of candidates who in essence said, "I have so little regard for my wife's well being, I would condemn her to a life of exile just to keep me company."

OTOH, their wives are currently in D.C., so a desert island might look pretty good.

Politicians on a desert island should be made to read all the legislation they're responsible for passing. Actually, we could just skip the desert island part.

If it was me, and all alone, I'd want a deck of cards. Play a little solitare, get your mind off your problems, and just when you get really involved and some jerk tells you to play the red ten on the black jack, you make him take you home.

Cracker's Boy | May 6, 2007, 9:24pm | #

"And I don't have a significant other. I choose not to allow myself to become attached to fallible creature in the way you describe."

I think I understand why crimethink has no significant other... and I doubt it's HIS choice...

CB

crimethink | May 6, 2007, 10:16pm | #

They crave my essence...but I deny it to them.

joe | May 7, 2007, 10:13am | #

"Former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards: "A book."

Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich: His wife, Elizabeth."

Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!

I don't think Senator Edwards is going to be very happy when he reads this.

Stevo Darkly | May 7, 2007, 7:01pm | #

I would bring a frantically wriggling burlap sack.