"Don't let war affect the lives of children Smurfs."

Ah, Belgium, land of diabetes-inducing waffles, Hercule Poirot, and the polyglot stylings of Sandler & Young.

And now: Land of Smurficide, all in the good name of stopping war that is destructive not just to flowers and little-children but to the blue-skinned peoples of the world:

The people of Belgium have been left reeling by the first adult-only episode of the Smurfs, in which the blue-skinned cartoon characters' village is annihilated by warplanes.

The short but chilling film is the work of Unicef, the United Nations Children's Fund, and is to be broadcast on national television next week as a campaign advertisement....

The short film pulls no punches. It opens with the Smurfs dancing, hand-in-hand, around a campfire and singing the Smurf song. Bluebirds flutter past and rabbits gambol around their familiar village of mushroom- shaped houses until, without warning, bombs begin to rain from the sky.

Tiny Smurfs scatter and run in vain from the whistling bombs, before being felled by blast waves and fiery explosions. The final scene shows a scorched and tattered Baby Smurf sobbing inconsolably, surrounded by prone Smurfs.

The final frame bears the message: "Don't let war affect the lives of children."...

Julie Lamoureux, account director at Publicis for the campaign, said the agency's original plans were toned down.

"We wanted something that was real war - Smurfs losing arms, or a Smurf losing a head -but they said no."

Was it Hemingway--or Billy Dee Williams in Brian's Song--who said that all true stories end in death? Well, why should The Smurfs get off easy?

Congrats, Unicef, you're finally paying us back for all the Halloween-related money you took from us to pay for abortions for 10 year olds (or whatever).

Whole story here.

Reason's Jesse Walker hipped us all to the existence of Smurf fan fiction a few days ago. Check that out here. We all should have realized that Smurf snuff films were only a click or two away.

Comments

Jason Ligon | October 10, 2005, 9:31am | #

If you are going to to there, you need to show the whole story. We need to see "Beloved Papa" and his roving death squads, disfigurment of Smurfette when she gets out of line, and mysterious happenings in Handy's garage. It could be nothing, but there is an awful lot of unaccounted for fungicide ...

thoreau | October 10, 2005, 9:39am | #

Jason, nobody here is "objectively pro-Papa Smurf", but Papa Smurf is not the one who attacked us. Gargamel is. And he got his funding from that rich, evil wizard uncle of his.

Why are we going after Papa Smurf when the real villain is still on the loose?

GIllespie Let Me Down | October 10, 2005, 9:39am | #

Oh, come on, you link to a story about adult smurfs, and yet fail to include this video?

(Link NSFW and pops... but worth it.... yeah!)

Number 6 | October 10, 2005, 9:41am | #

The quote was Hemingway. Oddly enough, Pappa wrote a short smurf peice before swallowing a shotgun:
"That summer in the smurf villiage, the war was visible as black puffs of smoke far across the green hills.
"Papa Smurf fought a bull in the afternoon. After the fight we went to a cafe and sipped grappa. Smurfette told me that she was sick of the war. Then the bombs came and she died."

Or something like that-I can't really do Hemingway until I've had more coffee.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 9:46am | #

I saw this headline on some other site a few days ago, but I thought it was a joke. However, the thought of warfare in the Smurf Village isn't entirely without precedent--remember Brainy's power-grab in "King Smurf?"

Why are you all giving me that look? Right, like you were the paragon of coolness at the age of ten.

mattc | October 10, 2005, 9:49am | #

That damn Papa Smurf butt licking song is going to be stuck in my head all day now.

Thanks a lot.

Evan | October 10, 2005, 9:51am | #

Goddamn, talk about a letdown. When you start off a post with a reference to the first "adult-only" Smurf film, you had better follow through with some "adult" content.

"Was it Hemingway--or Billy Dee Williams in Brian's Song--who said that all true stories end in death? Well, why should The Smurfs get off easy?"

What a stupid question. Is it just too early in the AM, or what?

Why should they get off easy? Because, the Smurfs isn't a true story.

Anyways, in times of war, I'd be more worried about Belgium's beloved brasseries than about the stupid children. A Belgian kid is replaceable...but there's only one Saison DuPont.

Jeff P. | October 10, 2005, 9:55am | #

Smurfs, like mosquitoes and assorted diseases, should be eliminated. There is no moral argumnent for keeping them alive.
We now air this criminally awful show at my station. It actually qualifies for a Gov't-approved "Education/Instructional" rating.

"Kill them. Kill them all."

Jesse Walker | October 10, 2005, 10:08am | #

I'm with Jeff. Any antiwar film that raises the possibility of destroying the Smurfs will only make war more appealing. It's like arguing for gun control with a clip of someone shooting Barney.

Don Mynack | October 10, 2005, 10:13am | #

I confess: I kept my unicef box and never turned it in in 1976. Cover story was "I lost it", reality was I opened that bad boy up and bought me some Tangy Taffy and Chunky bars. I always felt a litle guilty about this; now that I know it would have financed crap like this, said guilt has magically melted away.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 10:15am | #

I'm surprised by the number of men here expressing a desire to see Smurf porn. If you want to see blue balls, can't you do that for free?

shecky | October 10, 2005, 10:24am | #

Heh.

I'm reminded of the landmine video from the UN.
http://www.brooklynbrothers.com/movies/un60.mov

joe | October 10, 2005, 10:26am | #

Jason, did you notice that the film doesn't depict an overthrow of the Papa Smurf regime by freedom-smurfers, but rather a massacre?

Jason will eagerly destroy Smurf Village in order to save it.

Jeff P. | October 10, 2005, 10:31am | #

Smurf genocide is not enough. I support all covert Gov't action to use disinformation and economic sanctions to pit the Smurf's against:
A: All cute cartoons that were obvious Smurf ripoffs.
B: Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and all anime involving the throwing of monsters at each other.
C: Any nation that gives sanctuary to Scooby Doo and company. They were never funny.

Warren | October 10, 2005, 10:35am | #

Jennifer,
Huh? I didn't see anyone specifially declaring an afinity for smurf porn. However, I'll give you vindication. I would gleefully pay money to see Smurfette getting the worst of it in an animated BDSM short. Whips, chains and a big red ball gag contrasting with that blue face and yellow hair... oooo Bay-Bee

Jeff P. | October 10, 2005, 10:35am | #

Hanna Barbera presents: The REASONOIDS!

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 10:39am | #

Jennifer, I didn't see anyone specifially declaring an afinity for smurf porn.

Ahem:

When you start off a post with a reference to the first "adult-only" Smurf film, you had better follow through with some "adult" content.

Jeff P. | October 10, 2005, 10:43am | #

As for Barney, one once had a dream that I was trapped in Barney's studio and forced to listen to him sing. Suddenly HR Pufnstuf kicks in the door and throws him to the floor. Mayor McCheese holds him down as the Michelin Man repeatedly kicks him in the ribs...

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 10:44am | #

Of course, maybe by "adult" content, he meant watching Smurfs do adult things like fill out their tax forms and find the best options for mortgage insurance. But I kinda doubt it.

Warren | October 10, 2005, 10:54am | #

Right, it's not an explicit call for Smurf porn but it's close enough. I'd give it to you if it were one of many. Or perhaps by "the number of men" you meant you were surprised that there was only one.

And before you counter with the link and comments over the porn/rap video, I'll point out that they lacked the qualifying "expressed desire"

Rhywun | October 10, 2005, 10:57am | #

Tiny Smurfs scatter and run in vain from the whistling bombs, before being felled by blast waves and fiery explosions.

It's about time. Someone should have put them out of their misery decades ago. (Am I the only one who never watched it?)

Akira MacKenzie | October 10, 2005, 10:58am | #

I didn't know Gargamel had an Air Force.

Ron | October 10, 2005, 10:59am | #

At the risk of revealing incredible pedantism, it's Jack Warden as George Halas who opens Brian's Song with the voice-over, "Ernest Hemingway once said every true story ends in death. Well, this is a true story."

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 11:05am | #

In all seriousness, people, I started outgrowing the Smurfs by age eleven, but then I read a fundamentalist tract talking about how the Smurfs were Satanic because Papa uses magic, and there's a pentagram in the opening credits, and the Smurf creation story is supposedly a Satanic parody of the True Creation Story. So I kept on watching just a little bit longer, because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Go smurfs!

Thomas Ware | October 10, 2005, 11:10am | #

Reminds of something I saw at a Grateful Dead concert - on a big movie screen behind the band at The Capital Theater in Passaic NJ sometime in '72 - blue meanies and dancing bears...

Carl | October 10, 2005, 11:11am | #

I think that this video will serve two important causes: 1) preventing the Belgians from bombing people for no reason, since they've totally been doing that all the time lately and 2) giving Belgian kids nightmares, because to do so is high-larious.

Also, I think the "adult" content comment can be construed to mean "I expected something grotesque and sexual, but instead that video was merely childish and immature." That's not quite the same as a call for Smurf-porn, so much as expression of disappointment in its absence. Although I'll admit, it's pretty damn close.

Akira MacKenzie | October 10, 2005, 11:14am | #

A: All cute cartoons that were obvious Smurf ripoffs.

Tooter's a good Snork!!!

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 11:23am | #

I think the "adult" content comment can be construed to mean "I expected something grotesque and sexual, but instead that video was merely childish and immature."

Not on this chatboard.

Jeff | October 10, 2005, 11:30am | #

I'm shocked no one's bothered to bring up the Smurfs and Communism links yet.

Jason Ligon | October 10, 2005, 11:37am | #

Bwhaaha! My plan for this thread are unfolding nicely ...

Warren | October 10, 2005, 11:51am | #

Jennifer,
I'm happy to embody the worst stereotypes of my gender. But I'm detecting a more general condemnation in your posts for the men of Hit and Run. Which I find puzzling because I find the discourse around hear to be of higher caliper than I find elsewhere. It's true that we aren't afraid of getting as raunchy as we want to be, but I believe that the lack of a speech code contributes in a positive way to the quality of the prose. (Although I did once get an email from Tim telling me that "name-calling against our writers" was off limits. Hey Tim, you're an asshole) Are you disagreeing?

joe | October 10, 2005, 11:53am | #

Speaking of Smurfs ripoffs, were the Munchi-chies just a horrible dream, or did that actually happen?

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 11:55am | #

Hey Tim, you're an asshole) Are you disagreeing?

Nope.

Dogzilla | October 10, 2005, 11:55am | #

The film isn't new. It's the controversial "Guernica" episode, which many channels refused to show back in 1986. Critics panned the episode, but though Azrael (as the crazy Stuka pilot) did some of her best work.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 12:19pm | #

Warren, here is sincere advice from a woman who likes men far, far better than members of her own gender (and I mean that in a completely non-sexual way): never, ever take seriously a comment about "blue balls" in reference to Smurf pornography.

JMoore | October 10, 2005, 12:24pm | #

OK, I'll bite. The Smurfs are communists. This is not to say the cartoon was some sort of plot to indoctrinate our children to worship Comrade Fidel, but they certainly appear to be some sort of communist (small "C") fantasy. At least they don't need gulags.

But they're not the only example of teaching children useless and potentially dangerous crap. We do it all the time, thinking we're teaching them to be nice, good people. Aren't the Smurfs nice and happy and well-adjusted and sweet? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all be so innocent and...childlike? A parent who teaches his/her children the realities of life gets accused of being mean or cynical.

Think of some of the lessons children hear from parents, children's entertainment, and school, which are unrealistic or even delusional. Here are some off the top of my head, with the "adult" truth in parentheses:

Fighting doesn't solve anything.
(More often than not, it does.)

You should always share.
(Sometimes may be OK, but always is a very bad idea.)

Always tell the truth.
(It ain't quite that simple, kid.)

Respect authority.
(...usually)

Give to people in need.
(Be careful you don't take it too far, or they will always be "in need.")

Drugs are bad.
(Some drugs are bad for some purposes; some are good for some purposes; you have to learn the difference.)

It's not about winning; it's about having fun.
(It's usually about winning; that's why we keep score.)

It's how you play the game that matters.
(It's usually about winning.)

Money can't buy happiness.
(True, but few people will ever be happy without it.)

I don't guess I have much of a point with this little diatribe, except maybe I get a little peeved at crap like Smurfs--crap created by adults, for children, which teaches them (intentionally or not) to be lambs awaiting slaughter. Maybe a good sequel to this new film would be a scene of what would have happened if the dumb little blue things had bothered to take their heads out of the clouds and designate a "Soldier-Equipped-With-A-Small-Arsenal Smurf."

Essem | October 10, 2005, 12:26pm | #

Pathetic sentimentality, the highwater mark of Euro and UN culture. Let's do one in English, with film footage of the Khmer Rouge deathfields, followed up with the extermination of the Teletubbies and a message about how Genocide is Bad for Children. I for one would welcome the bombing of the Smurfs. Annoying little bastards.

Essem | October 10, 2005, 12:28pm | #

Pathetic sentimentality, the highwater mark of Euro and UN culture. Let's do one in English, with film footage of the Khmer Rouge deathfields, followed up with the extermination of the Teletubbies and a message about how Genocide is Bad for Children. I for one would welcome the bombing of the Smurfs. Annoying little bastards.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 12:36pm | #

Jeez, JMoore. Do you criticize Sesame Street for not having episodes showing how Big Bird deals with a mugger? It's natural for kids to enjoy escapist fantasies of a prettier and better world.

Akira MacKenzie | October 10, 2005, 12:40pm | #

Speaking of Smurfs ripoffs, were the Munchi-chies just a horrible dream, or did that actually happen?

No, they happened, along with Rainbow Bright, Care Bears, and everyother girlie cartoons my little sister used to annoy me with while I was waiting for Voltron to come on.

JMoore | October 10, 2005, 12:44pm | #

Jennifer

I'm probably cynical. Every time I mention something like this, I'm told that there's nothing wrong with wanting to protect kids from "harsh reality"--at least for a while. I always answer, "Why do you assume reality need be harsh?"

Maybe I am biased because of my kids. Whereas I had a very good, happy, secure, fantasy-filled childhood, theirs was truly horrific. Yet they are undoubtedly much happier and healthier than I am--they never stop grinning. Perhaps because they have never been spoon-fed illusions, they are much more comfortable with life as it really is?

Akira MacKenzie | October 10, 2005, 12:51pm | #

Speaking of Voltron:

The first "adult oriented" cartoon I ever saw had to be Robotech (aka Macross) along with having cool transforming robots and lots of things blowing up, they actually KILLED people on that program. As a kid, I was amazed that they could get away with that on American TV. Of course, this was before I discovered it was Japanese who tend to take their animation much more seriously.

It sure beat the Smurfs, though.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 1:04pm | #

Whereas I had a very good, happy, secure, fantasy-filled childhood, theirs was truly horrific.

Uh. . . .okay. It's not often you hear parents say their own kids had crummy childhoods, so that statement caught me off-guard. There's definitely room to debate how long you should "protect" your kids from reality versus when you should show them the many ways the world can stink, but I figure if a kid's still young enough to like the Smurfs, a little protectiveness isn't such a bad thing.

(I could also argue that in many ways, Smurfs have it worse than the kids in their audience. Even in your kids' "horrific" childhood, how many times did they narrowly escape falling into the clutches of an evil man who wanted to kill them and eat them for dinner?)

JMoore | October 10, 2005, 1:09pm | #

Oh...I guess I should have said my sons are adopted. Crappy life until they latched on to me.

Herman | October 10, 2005, 1:10pm | #

Of course, maybe by "adult" content, he meant watching Smurfs do adult things like fill out their tax forms and find the best options for mortgage insurance
Well if the Smurfs are small c communists, they may not have such things.

Akira- Space Battleship Yamato in it's American Star Blazers incarnation showed a modest amount of death during it's 1970s run. The surface of the Earth is a wreck also, but you don't see much of the Gamelon bombardment like you do with the massive Zentraedi bombardment of the Earth during the Macross portion of Robotech.

JDM | October 10, 2005, 1:14pm | #

"It's like arguing for gun control with a clip of someone shooting Barney."

Come on Jesse, you just had a kid, you can be hipper and more topical than that. You need to replace Barney with Bob Builder, or, better still for a libertoid, the odious Thomas Train.

Herman | October 10, 2005, 1:15pm | #

Do we know for sure Gargamel and Asrael are doing the bombing? Maybe Bigmouth had enough or Yohan and PeeWee were being treacherous and wanted to put an aqueduct through the Smurf village? Or an alternate reality opened up and the Swoofs went crazy?

Go ahead, out lame me.

Jeff P. | October 10, 2005, 1:26pm | #

Dried Smurf powder goes for $2000 an ounce on the black market.
They are bred in captivity in small boxes. This is difficult due to the female-male ratio.

Jason Ligon | October 10, 2005, 1:37pm | #

Monchichis make me violent.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 1:46pm | #

Space Battleship Yamato in it's American Star Blazers incarnation

Herman, did you ever watch the Japanese movie version of the Quest to Iscandar? Their take on the Battle of Midway was pretty funny, I thought--if American pilots really did salute the mighty Japanese battleship as it sank beneath the waves, I suspect the salutes were of the one-fingered variety.

Amanda Hugginkiss | October 10, 2005, 2:01pm | #

Robotech was awesome. My buddy and I watched it in high school in the mornings, and it was often a topic of conversation as we met to smoke cigs in the woods. The thing was, we could never tell what the f#ck was going on -- the local television station often played the episodes out of order, so piecing the arcs of the various storylines together was a real head scratcher (I think there were three different series at the time -- I remember one had to do with Earth fighting against aliens, but then I think in a later one the aliens had won and it was about the human resistance to occupation...) Anyway, we never did figure out what exactly "protomatter" was.

Shem | October 10, 2005, 2:26pm | #

Dammit, now I want to see the decimation of Smurf Village.

At least I have yet another example of why the Catholic Church are completely mercenary when the need suits them, though.

Jennifer-I saw it. It's pretty typical of the Japanese take on World War II, or the fighting parts at least. There's this attitude of "We fought spactacularly well, (and everyone knew it) and we could beat anyone, (and everyone knew that) but war is wrong and we knew it, and besides those Americans dropped an Atom Bomb on us, and weren't they awful since we never, ever committed a single comparable war-crime?" Still, hard to condemn them totally, given the fact that we make shit up about our history all the time to feed to children and the unwary.

smacky | October 10, 2005, 2:46pm | #

Re: Smurf porn

I can't believe nobody quoted from the movie Donnie Darko yet:

Ronald Fisher: Beer and pussy, that?s all I need.

Sean Smith: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.

Ronald Fisher: Smurfette?

Sean Smith: Mm-hmmm.

Ronald Fisher: Not some, like, tight-ass Middlesex chick, you know? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.

Donnie Darko: Smurfette doesn?t fuck.

[Donnie shoots a bottle]

Ronald Fisher: That?s bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.

Sean Smith: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.

Ronald Fisher: Okay, well, you know what? Then she fucks them while Vanity watches Okay?

Sean Smith: What about Papa Smurf? He must get in on the action.

Ronald Fisher: Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang. Later on, he beats off to the tape.

Donnie Darko: First of all, Papa Smurf didn?t create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel?s evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario [laughs] is just couldn?t happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don?t even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That?s what?s so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What?s the point of living if you don?t have a dick?

Sean Smith: [sighs] Damn it, Donnie. Why do you gotta get so smart on us?

smacky | October 10, 2005, 2:50pm | #

Correction: the majority of those question marks in the above quote should be apostrophes. That's what I get for cutting and pasting.

Memories | October 10, 2005, 3:12pm | #

Monchichi
Monchichi!
Oh so soft and
cudd-el-ly
with her thumb in her mouth she's really sweet!
fun to wiggle his little feet!
la la la...
la la la!
Happy, happy monchichi!!!

peachy | October 10, 2005, 3:17pm | #

Um, there IS smurf porn. I have seen it... and it was the most disturbing thing EVER. Thank you all so very much for bringing that memory back...

Michael Moore | October 10, 2005, 3:29pm | #

The short film pulls no punches. It opens with the Smurfs dancing, hand-in-hand, around a campfire and singing the Smurf song. Bluebirds flutter past and rabbits gambol around their familiar village of mushroom- shaped houses until, without warning, bombs begin to rain from the sky.

This sounds an awful lot like Iraq, by the way.

Herman | October 10, 2005, 4:19pm | #

Jennifer-
The movie version I saw of Quest for Iscandar was an edited version of the first season of the TV show. They were awfully into the notions of honorable warfare. I never figured out how chucking asteroids at the Earth was supposed to help the Gamelons unless it was a super stupid and warlike form of terraforming.

Amanda H and K-
Robotech was three unrelated Japanese cartoon series welded into one for the U.S. market. The first two story arcs/series were about fending off alien invasions of "Earth", the third about overthrowing an alien occupation.

"Protoculture" - in the American incarnation of the shows was a super cold-fusion quality energy source derived from an alien plant. In Japan it exists only in the first story arc/series The Macross Saga and refers to a common ancestral culture between the Earth and the aliens trying to slag it.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 4:41pm | #

Herman--

They weren't asteroids, they were radioactive "planet bombs." I always wondered about that--after all the humans died, Earth would be too poisonous for the gamelons to live there, too.

I also wondered, since there was a chance that the Star Force would return to Earth with the Cosmo DNA too late to save the people there, why the hell the Star Force didn't take more than one woman with them on the trip. You know, in case the whole we've-got-too-repopulate-the-whole-planet thing came up.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 4:45pm | #

Hell, I don't want kids, but even I would push out a few if a Gamelon invasion meant the very survival of the human race were at stake. (I first mentioned this to my boyfriend when we watched the Battlestar Galactica movie. Oh, the look of terror in his eyes! The thought of the Cylons wiping out humanity didn't scare him nearly as much as the thought of me later saying "Honey, let's have a baby.")

Herman | October 10, 2005, 4:55pm | #

why the hell the Star Force didn't take more than one woman with them on the trip
Jennifer- So you're saying the S.B. Yamato/Argo is kind of a spaceborne war-fighting Smurf Village?

For some reason I thought there were several female crewmembers on board as well as the Nordic Alien Next Planet who was with the main characters brother. Earth could be repopulated by the children of very tired crewwomen and some half-aliens.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 5:02pm | #

Herman--

Nope, Nova was the only woman on the ship. And if I recall, there was some initial protest at having her on board--the trip was "too dangerous" for a woman to make.

Shem | October 10, 2005, 5:06pm | #

Where would they have repopulated? The aliens were pretty committed to the idea of genocide.

Akira MacKenzie | October 10, 2005, 5:07pm | #

Henchman 2: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.

Henchman 1: Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!

Henchman 2: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.

Henchman 1: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a ****ing beard! They're mammals!

Herman | October 10, 2005, 5:10pm | #

So it is a potential Smurfs in space scenario.

"The fallback plan is that Earth will be repopulated by the children of Nova and this alien woman who sent us the plans." - Star Force Admiral Michael Rumsfeld Brown IX.

Fred | October 10, 2005, 5:13pm | #

Back around 1987 there were some kind of riots in Panama. I remember the government was using a water cannon truck for crowd control. On the side of the truck was a very clear picture of an angry Smurf stamping its little feet. Does anyone know why the Smurf was on the truck?

I think Dan Rather even commented on it, but just at that moment my father came in and started talking, so I never heard Rather's explanation.

Akira MacKenzie | October 10, 2005, 5:15pm | #

Hey! Didn't the Gamilon have blue skin? Maybe Deslock is a hyper-evolved Smurf!

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 6:23pm | #

Shem--

They would have repopulated on Earth, of course. The whole point of the Cosmo DNA was to clean out the radiation, and the one-year time limit was because that's how long it would take for the radiation to seep down to the underground cities where the people were hiding.

(Another question about Star Blazers: they had only one year to travel 144,000 light years to Iscandar and back, and they made it with a day or two to spare, despite the fact that it took them about three weeks just to get from Earth to Pluto?)

George Taylor | October 10, 2005, 6:51pm | #

"why the hell the Star Force didn't take more than one woman with them on the trip. You know, in case the whole we've-got-too-repopulate-the-whole-planet thing came up."

She was to be the new Eve. With our hot and eager help, of course.

Dr. Zaius | October 10, 2005, 7:45pm | #

Don't have sex with Smurfette, Taylor! You might not like what you find.

Jim Walsh | October 10, 2005, 7:49pm | #

Here's a shortened version of a Smurf joke I heard years ago...

The Smurfs get word that Smurfette and Papa Smurf are, ah, gettin' it on, in Smurfette's bedroom. Unfortunately, her window is too high for the tiny beings to watch through, so the Smurfs decide to arrange themselves in Totem-pole fashion; the Smurf on top will look through the window and relay details downward.

"He's taking off her blouse," says the Smurf on top.

Downward relays the message:

"He's taking off her blouse."

"He's taking off her blouse."

"He's taking off her blouse."

"He's taking off her blouse."

"He's taking off her blouse."

"He's taking off her blouse."

"He's taking off her blouse."

"Now, he's kissing her body all over," says the Smurf on top.

"He's kissing her all over."

"He's kissing her all over."

"He's kissing her all over."

"He's kissing her all over."

"He's kissing her all over."

"He's kissing her all over."

"He's kissing her all over."

"Wait," says the top Smurf. "Someone's coming."

"Me too."

"Me too."

"Me too."

"Me too."

"Me too."

"Me too."

"Me too."

joe | October 10, 2005, 7:57pm | #

Jennifer,

I think they only used the "wave motion engine" for one little, experimental burst inside the solar system, and waited until they past Pluto to start using it regularly, and for extended jumps.

Jennifer | October 10, 2005, 8:04pm | #

Oh, right. Thank,s Joe.

There may be something to Akira's theory--Deslock and Smurfette have exactly the same coloring, hair and all.

Akira MacKenzie | October 10, 2005, 8:10pm | #

I vaugely remember Star Blazers as a child. However, I got a hold with the OVA videos of Yamato after a brief flirtation with the Star Blazers miniature game.

Amanda Hugginkiss | October 10, 2005, 8:37pm | #

Herman,

Thanks for clearing up about 20 years of confusion. Maybe they weren't playing the episodes out of order -- it was just lousy editing. And no wonder we couldn't figure out what "protoculture" was...

Akira MacKenzie | October 10, 2005, 8:47pm | #

Oh, geeky gaming link:

http://www.starblazersonline.com/

joe | October 10, 2005, 9:13pm | #

Let's see here:

We're off to outer space
To save the human race
Our da da da da
Our Star Blazers.

Through the fire and the smoke
We will never give up hope
If we can win the earth will survive
We'll keep hope alive
Our Star Blazers

MJ | October 10, 2005, 9:17pm | #

Blowing up the Smurfs? A purely simplistic emotional appeal to convince people of the rather mundane point that war is bad. Of course war is bad, it just that sometimes the alternatives are worse.

On the other hand it may backfire, as it shows that being unable or unwilling to meet violent force with violent force will lead to you and yours to a messy and painful extermination.

MJ | October 10, 2005, 9:19pm | #

Weren't the Gamelons blue in one year of Star Blazers and green in another? I think I remember that.

President Gargamel | October 10, 2005, 10:30pm | #

British intelligence reports that Papa Smurf inquired about purchasing yellowcake mushrooms from Niger...

MJ | October 10, 2005, 11:16pm | #

1st season

We're off to outer space
We're leaving Mother Earth
To save the human race
Our Star Blazers

Searching for a distant star
Heading off to Iscandar
Leaving all we love behind
Who knows what danger we'll find?

We must be strong and brave
Our home we've got to save
If we don't in just one year
Mother Earth will disappear

Fighting with the Gamilons
We won't stop until we've won
Then we'll return and when we arrive
The Earth will survive
With our Star Blazers

or 2nd season

We're off in outer space
Protecting Mother Earth
To save the human race
Our Star Blazers

Danger lurking everywhere
But we know we've got to dare
Evil men with evil schemes
They can't destroy all our dreams

We must be strong and brave
Our home we've got to save
We must make the fighting cease
So Mother Earth will be at peace

Through all the fire and the smoke
We will never give up hope
If we can win the Earth will survive
We'll keep peace alive
With our Star Blazers

Akira MacKenzie | October 10, 2005, 11:29pm | #

Yamato Theme (Original Japanese Lyrics translated to English, same music as Star Blazers theme)

Farewell to Earth
The journey begins for the Space Battleship Yamato.
To the distant planet, Iscandar
Carrying the hopes of all mankind
The crew responds to those who wave them farewell
That they will surely return
Leaving this galaxy and bound for Iscandar
The Space Battleship Yamato faces the challenge.

Carl | October 10, 2005, 11:34pm | #

I gots all y'all beat:

I sang the Spaceship Yamato theme at Karaoke with 50 year old ladies on Friday evening. Aw yeah!

(Man, I wish this was a joke.)

mattc | October 10, 2005, 11:40pm | #

Wow, I never thought I would find so many people into early 80's Americanized Anime. I have fond memories of getting up early on Saturday just to watch Robotech, and of course, the Smurfs came on later. I recall some brief nudity in one episode of Robotech, something like a woman's bare back with a bit of butt crack showing. It was one of those ackward childhood moments you never forget.

Jennifer | October 11, 2005, 5:47am | #

MJ--

The blue bad guys from season one were the Gamilons. The green bad guys from season two were the Comet Empire. (And Deslock, in true Darth Vader fashion, repented of his sins about three seconds before he died and helped destroy the Comet Empire just before it destroyed the Earth. Awwww.)