Make Love, Not War

Lede of the month:

The U.S. military rejected a 1994 proposal to develop an "aphrodisiac" to spur homosexual activity among enemy troops but is hard at work on other less-than-lethal weapons, defense officials said on Sunday.

No word on whether those weapons include a nude bomb.

Comments

Franklin Harris | January 24, 2005, 7:27pm | #

There never has been a nude bomb, and there never will be a nude bomb.

*boom*

Why is it so drafty in here?

Mo | January 24, 2005, 7:40pm | #

When I was in high school, one of my buddies was big into filmmaking. He was also a big fan of Indiana Jones and had most of the action figures. Apparently, when you took the robes off of the Bedouin guys they are nekid except for a g-string. He decided to make on of these figures the star of a series of stop motion animation and called him/it the G-String King (GSK for short). In one episode, GSK, who happened to be homosexual, invented the “gay ray” in order to "spur homosexual activity among enemy troops," rout them and add them to his forces. Enemy troops being the old Indiana Jones standby, Nazis. The funnies thing is that the ray was lotion and it looked like love juices being sprayed on Nazi action figures, but that’s neither here or there.

Sorry for the silly post, but reading that gave me a flashback to my high school years and this post invites frivolous postings.

Rick Barton | January 24, 2005, 7:45pm | #

Imagine if the DOD and the other federal agencies were publicly traded companies. With insipid ideas like these, which they seem to put into practice with depressing regularity, they would be penny stocks.

FULL DISCLOSRE: I don't own any government bonds, and wouldn't on ethical grounds. I think that most government departments engage in activities that are injurious to either the prosperity or the liberty or both, of the American people.

Jesse Walker | January 24, 2005, 7:58pm | #

To be fair, Rick, they did reject the idea.

Ken Shultz | January 24, 2005, 8:06pm | #

"The U.S. military rejected a 1994 proposal to develop an "aphrodisiac" to spur homosexual activity among enemy troops but is hard at work on other less-than-lethal weapons, defense officials said on Sunday."

I knew it!

...Alberto Gonzales is simply a victim of a secret government experiment.

Xrlq | January 24, 2005, 8:12pm | #

I'm bummed that they dumped the gay bomb. What better way to test the idea of gays in the military?

Required | January 24, 2005, 8:12pm | #

3. Do not be taken in by "insiderisms." Fledgling columnists, eager to impress readers with their grasp of journalistic jargon, are drawn to such arcane spellings as "lede." Where they lede, do not follow.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/24/opinion/24safire1.html

Jesse Walker | January 24, 2005, 8:41pm | #

I'm always happy to defy the will of Safire. Or, as we insiders call him, Safyre.

Franklin Harris | January 24, 2005, 9:20pm | #

Ah, lede. A golden oldie I still use even thought it was obsolete by the time I entered the newspaper business. It was coined to avoid confusion with lead, as in lead type, not that we newsroom types mix with pressroom types, anyway, unless you count smoking on the loading dock.

Stevo Darkly | January 24, 2005, 9:35pm | #

My mind reels with images of a Fallujah suddenly turned fabulous.

The Lonewacko Blog | January 24, 2005, 10:42pm | #

Weapons like this and the ants/rats one could be very effective. They might be even too effective, counting as violations of chemical weapons treaties, Geneva conventions, etc. They might also lead to long-term, generational resentment such as caused other wars.

Anyone who scoffs at the idea of weapons that attack an enemy's will hasn't really thought about this too much.

Ken Shultz | January 24, 2005, 10:58pm | #

Let me get this straight...

Are you going on the record in favour of weapons that encourage homosexual activity?

...and if so, are you speaking out against those of us who don't spend more time thinking about weapons that encourage homosexual activity?

chthus | January 24, 2005, 11:06pm | #

If I recall correctly, this one was scrapped because the friendly fire got a little too friendly.

Xavier | January 24, 2005, 11:31pm | #

I'm sure some enterprising gay porn script writer is working with this idea. There's probably already something in production, but I really don't want to do the Google search to find out.

Stewart Vardaman | January 25, 2005, 12:40am | #

Private Spongebob reporting for duty, sir!

Doc | January 25, 2005, 6:51am | #

Based on lots of my military friends...seems like they've already tested this on the Marines. ;-)

Native NYer | January 25, 2005, 7:26am | #

How well guarded are these weapons from falling into the hands of domestic terrorists?

Hopefully not too well! I'd love to get my hands on one and use it on a sorority house full of co-ed beauties!

Alcibiades | January 25, 2005, 7:37am | #

"Lede"? Oooh! Oooh! Mr. Kotter! I've been to J-school!

Rick Barton | January 25, 2005, 10:16am | #

Jesse,

Yeah, I know they rejected the idea. That's why I said "put into practice", so as to distinguish. But, I'm afraid that I wound up conveying the opposite idea. So I guess it's back to rhetoric class for me.

CHESTY PULLER | January 25, 2005, 12:28pm | #

Where do you live Doc?I'm gonna kick your goddamned ass.

east flatbush | January 25, 2005, 12:59pm | #

I've often thought that the idea of an all gay army was a great idea.They would be feared by all.Who would want to be their prisoner?

Ayatollah Usoe | January 25, 2005, 1:17pm | #

"Another idea involved creating "severe and lasting halitosis" to help sniff out fighters trying to blend with civilians."

Great! Bad breath earns a one way trip to Gitmo.

limey hack | January 25, 2005, 1:20pm | #

Of course, over here we call a "lede" an "intro". Much better.

By the way - this was in the New Scientist two weeks ago and all over the British press a day later thanks to Drudge.

Has it not been picked up by the US press? Jeez, your papers suck....

Stevo Darkly | January 25, 2005, 2:21pm | #

east flatbush: "I've often thought that the idea of an all gay army was a great idea."

You're too late. I've read that in ancient Greece, the city of Thebes was defended by a military force called the Theban Band, made up exclusively of pairs of male lovers. The story is that no member was willing to show cowardice before his lover, so they fought very aggressively, never surrendered, and generally kicked ass big-time. Until one day they encountered an enemy they couldn't beat (I forget who), and because they refused to surrender, were slaughtered to the last man. (And yes, in the context of this paragraph, I should not have written a sentence with both the words "member" and "ass" in it.)

dante's peak | January 25, 2005, 3:39pm | #

Stevo, I once read about them too, weren't they also called 'the sacred band' If I recall correctly, the whole army wasn't made up of homosexual couples, but the 'band' was the most elite division of the military, which I found very interested given the effete reputation of homosexuals today, oh and I feel like the book said the macedonians kicked their ass, im going to check up on that now

Stevo Darkly | January 25, 2005, 9:29pm | #

Dante's: You may well be right, I'm going from an off-the-cuff memory of something I read in one of Jerry Pournelle's "There Will Be War" SF anthologies (probably vol. 3, "Blood and Iron.")

OK, I just did a quick Google, and apparently they were known as both "The Theban Band" and "The Sacred Band of Thebes." Apparently various latterday organizations have also adopted these admittedly rather cool names, and I'm afraid to do any further research on an employer-owned PC so I'll stop now.

PS: One source mentioned this band was made up of just 150 couples, so I guess it wasn't Thebes' whole army, just an elite group like you said.

raymond | January 27, 2005, 7:17am | #

One source mentioned this band was made up of just 150 couples, so I guess it wasn't Thebes' whole army, just an elite group...

"Athens was probably the only Greek city-state with more than 20,000 citizens."

Let's see.

     300
_________
15000 (?)

That's a pretty hefty chunk of the population.

(I suppose most of them were non-Thebans.)