Memo: How To Fix Kerry's NASA Pic Problem

Memo to Kerry Campaign:

The unfortunately hilarious NASA photo of you in the "bunny suit" is a big-time fuckup that reminds too many voters of another Bay State presidential wannabe. And it doesn't help to explain that you were accompanied by failed presidential candidate former Sen. John Glenn (D-Ohio). He may be a legit astronaut and all that, but his last interplanetary adventure drew even fewer eyeballs than the final season of Josie & The Pussycats in Outer Space.

Your spokesposse hasn't helped by bitching and moaning that it was a leaked snapshot. Talked about mixed messages: You're implicating the very same useless invaluable space agency that the missus praised for showering the rings of Saturn with American tax dollars!

You need to mount a swift, serious, and sensational counter-spectacle. The best option: Track down Mike Dukakis, where ever the hell he's been hiding out, throw a drink or two on him, and beat the living bejeezus out of him.

Just make sure you're wearing something photogenic this time. Can you still fit it into your sailor suit?

Comments

Call me snake | July 28, 2004, 1:00am | #

Gillespie, I'm frankly very angry that you would demean our glorious heroes at NASA as useless??

What about all those things they developed in space for us?? Like Tang? Or pens that write upside down? Or drugs that could NEVER have been developed on earth? Or those fruit flies banging each other in zero-g? Or Velcro??

Jesus, Gillespie, What the fuck would we do without Velcro??!?! We'd have to make due with zippers, Goddamit!!! ZIPPERS!!!

I'll bet you wanted the Russians on the Moon first...Go read Langston Hughes and cry about the Hollywood Ten, you red bastard.

Call me snake | July 28, 2004, 1:00am | #

Gillespie, I'm frankly very angry that you would demean our glorious heroes at NASA as useless??

What about all those things they developed in space for us?? Like Tang? Or pens that write upside down? Or drugs that could NEVER have been developed on earth? Or those fruit flies banging each other in zero-g? Or Velcro??

Jesus, Gillespie, What the fuck would we do without Velcro??!?! We'd have to make due with zippers, Goddamit!!! ZIPPERS!!!

I'll bet you wanted the Russians on the Moon first...Go read Langston Hughes and cry about the Hollywood Ten, you red bastard.

Shannon Love | July 28, 2004, 1:01am | #

Is it just me or does the Kerry camp give off this Nixonian paranoia vibe? Every negative thing that happens to them is the result of a conspiracy. Everybody, even NASA, is out to get them.

jlcraig | July 28, 2004, 1:02am | #

I've work in bunny suits on and off for years (they are required when working in a clean environment). It's just the uniform for the job.

You can even dance in the darn thing and not look like a dork. (Remember the Intel adds of a few years ago?)

The reason someone looks like a dork in a bunny suit is they are a dork. Check out his expression and body language.

Jamie S | July 28, 2004, 1:05am | #

Unfortunately, the "discourse" ends up being carefully scripted, focus group tested, talking points instead of an actual exchange of ideas. The reason people are interested in the bunny suit is it is a rare, if perhaps not accurate or meaningful, window into what the guy is really like. The whole thing shows how well people see through the BS, and how eager they are for some "unvarnished" information(as W likes to put it.)

The Lonewacko Blog | July 28, 2004, 1:19am | #

What Kerry needs is yet another sport photo. I suggest rock climbing with Hans Florine or 'boarding with Avril Lavigne.

garym | July 28, 2004, 1:22am | #

Sorry, did I drop in on the nationalenquirer.com blog by mistake? Sniping over "bunny-suit" photos is pathetic.

pchuck | July 28, 2004, 2:12am | #

Come on. Don't tell me image isn't important. This makes Kerry look silly at a time when he shouldn't look silly because people (most Americans) don't really know the guy. This isn't good for Kerry.

Ken Shultz | July 28, 2004, 2:24am | #

The Bunny Suit is hilarious, and it does call for a counter spectacle.

The traditional way to take care of that problem would be to go on Saturday Night Live and incorporate the Bunny Suit into a bit. I suggest having Kerry do a flashback to his first date with his current wife. He invites her up to his pad, and he makes all the usual moves. When things look they're going right, he says, "Let me go slip into something a little more comfortable." When he reemerges, he's sporting the Bunny Suit!

Alright, so maybe it's not that funny; Saturday Night Live isn't that funny either.

Mr. Nice Guy | July 28, 2004, 3:28am | #

I'm hardly sympathetic to the Democrats, but this is total nonsense. The Republicans think they have another Dukakis tank photo, but it doesn't come close. Dukakis was pretending to be a tough guy when he was obviously a wimp. Kerry, despite what you think of him, was getting shot at in Vietnam while their boy was stateside AWOL snorting lines off a hooker's belly. And the bunny-suit doesn't look as stupid as the "mission accomplished" codpiece.

joe | July 28, 2004, 3:39am | #

Maybe if there were some logos on the suit, he'd score some NASCAR Dads.

I guess people in Red America still consider the sight of someone in a clean suit a novelty.

Tell me again about low taxes, low spending, and weak unions spawning innovation.

just wondering | July 28, 2004, 4:01am | #

Why "bunny suit"? The get-up makes Kerry look like a giant condom.

Douglas Fletcher | July 28, 2004, 4:13am | #

I don't like Kerry one bit but I can't even take this seriously as a joke. This isn't any more goofy than putting on hard shoes to mow the lawn.

Now if he'd dressed up in a Red Sox uniform to throw out the first pitch, that might have been goofy and done some damage...

crimethink | July 28, 2004, 5:23am | #

Wow. H&R's Mean Time Between Bunny-Related Threads just plummetted.

nick | July 28, 2004, 6:14am | #

I think the photos were leaked by the Kerry campaign. That way conservatives would use them to make fun of Kerry. Then Democrats could counter that Republicans are focusing on trivial silly issues when there are serious things to consider.

But it still is sort of funny looking...

Mo | July 28, 2004, 6:45am | #

I didn't know John Kerry was in Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask. Damn Woody Allen liberals.

Jim C. | July 28, 2004, 10:17am | #

the original "bunny suit" photo (via Instapundit)

The left has been laughing at Bush's malapropisms and stumbles and saying he's an idiot for years. Now that their candidate looks silly, they invoke Republican dirty tricks and call for "real discourse"? Geez, could they be more hypocritical?

I agree about the paranoia. Maybe it comes from more closely embracing the extreme left.

Unclaimed Mysteries | July 28, 2004, 10:20am | #

Yes, I can see it now ...

******

TECH: Uh, Mr. President, you'll need to wear this to tour the facility.

(KARL ROVE WHISPERS INTO W, THE PRESIDENT'S EAR)

W, THE PRESIDENT: I don't *think* so.

TECH: This area is known as a "clean" room, sir, we cannot have any contamination either to you or, uh, from you or your clothing, sir -

W, THE PRESIDENT: What did you say?

TECH: It's standard procedure, to preserve the facility's status and to keep various vectors and other particulates from nhg-hey, inadvertantly, of course, disrupting ...

(W's brain: I think he's trying to say I'm dirty or something. He sure is using a lot of $10 words. This insubordination will not stand...)

(W, THE PRESIDENT SNAPS HIS FINGERS. SS DETAIL MOVES IN, PUMMELS THE $#!% OUT OF THE TECHNICIAN.)

W, THE PRESIDENT: That's the interesting thing about being the President. — Maybe somebody needs to explain to me why they say something, but I don't feel like I owe anybody an explanation.

TECH, IN DISTRESS: I t-t-tried to do that, s-sir-

(ZAP FROM SS STUN GUN)

W, THE PRESIDENT: Let's roll!

******

Yerpal,
Corry

Ran | July 28, 2004, 12:17pm | #

Something in brown, courtesy of Al & Naomi perhaps?

Shannon Love | July 28, 2004, 12:37pm | #

Is it just me or does the Kerry camp give off this Nixonian paranoia vibe? Every negative thing that happens to them is the result of a conspiracy. Everybody, even NASA, is out to get them.

Shannon Love | July 28, 2004, 12:39pm | #

Is it just me or does the Kerry camp give off this Nixonian paranoia vibe? Every negative thing that happens to them is the result of a conspiracy. Everybody, even NASA, is out to get them.

troubalert | July 28, 2004, 12:43pm | #

Ok, I dont get it?

Why is Kerry in a "bunny" suit an embarrassment?


If anything, it shows how juvenile and ridiculous the media has become.

"Ohh lookie at Johnny, he's silly and retarded"
"Johnny has kooties, Johnny has kooties"

Can we please have some real discourse in this country!

Call me snake | July 28, 2004, 12:53pm | #

Gillespie, I'm frankly very angry that you would demean our glorious heroes at NASA as useless??

What about all those things they developed in space for us?? Like Tang? Or pens that write upside down? Or drugs that could NEVER have been developed on earth? Or those fruit flys banging each other in zero-g? Or Velcro??

Jesus, Gillespie, What the fuck would we do without Velcro??!?! We'd have to make due with zippers, Goddamit!!! ZIPPERS!!!

I'll bet you wanted the Russians on the Moon first...Go read Langston Hughes and cry about the Hollywood Ten, you red bastard.

Call me snake | July 28, 2004, 12:57pm | #

Gillespie, I'm frankly very angry that you would demean our glorious heroes at NASA as useless??

What about all those things they developed in space for us?? Like Tang? Or pens that write upside down? Or drugs that could NEVER have been developed on earth? Or those fruit flies banging each other in zero-g? Or Velcro??

Jesus, Gillespie, What the fuck would we do without Velcro??!?! We'd have to make due with zippers, Goddamit!!! ZIPPERS!!!

I'll bet you wanted the Russians on the Moon first...Go read Langston Hughes and cry about the Hollywood Ten, you red bastard.

Morat | July 28, 2004, 12:57pm | #

What a pointless little media story that is. Yeah, he wore a clean suit. They'd stuff the President in one if he wanted a tour. They'd stuff the Pope into one, even if it broke the old man's hip.

You don't get to wander around without one on. Headline in a sane world: "Kerry tours NASA facility" with the article starting: "Kerry, shown here in a clean suit worn by all personell when in the area, tours...."

Blah-blah-blah-fuck. This is news?

Call me snake | July 28, 2004, 12:58pm | #

Gillespie, I'm frankly very angry that you would demean our glorious heroes at NASA as useless??

What about all those things they developed in space for us?? Like Tang? Or pens that write upside down? Or drugs that could NEVER have been developed on earth? Or those fruit flies banging each other in zero-g? Or Velcro??

Jesus, Gillespie, What the fuck would we do without Velcro??!?! We'd have to make due with zippers, Goddamit!!! ZIPPERS!!!

I'll bet you wanted the Russians on the Moon first...Go read Langston Hughes and cry about the Hollywood Ten, you red bastard.

Call me snake | July 28, 2004, 12:59pm | #

Gillespie, I'm frankly very angry that you would demean our glorious heroes at NASA as useless??

What about all those things they developed in space for us?? Like Tang? Or pens that write upside down? Or drugs that could NEVER have been developed on earth? Or those fruit flies banging each other in zero-g? Or Velcro??

Jesus, Gillespie, What the fuck would we do without Velcro??!?! We'd have to make due with zippers, Goddamit!!! ZIPPERS!!!

I'll bet you wanted the Russians on the Moon first...Go read Langston Hughes and cry about the Hollywood Ten, you red bastard.